#so on the first day i went to 2 different bookstores and neither of them had htn
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book successfully acquired!!!
#i was on vacation in this town for like 2 days#so on the first day i went to 2 different bookstores and neither of them had htn#so i ordered it at the second shop and they said i could pick it up the next day at 11#(hopefully)#so today i went and fortunately it was there and i paid for it and now i can read it#yayyy#tlt#personal post
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soo i have seen both dudes (gn) multiple times in the past week
Tech Guy recap:
i have picked up on what i don't like about him. (he's boring and alarmingly incurious, lacks self-awareness, lives like a 22yo despite being well into his 30s- there's a balance between being comfortable and stable and just having a stagnant life...) i decided not to care too much bc it's not serious, i'm just trying to have fun. but we chatting over lunch and some pretty egregious cultural ignorance came up, so i half-jokingly asked him When was the last time you watched a movie or read a book by and about black people. and this guyyyyyy got weird. like very very, bizarrely defensive. he could not handle this one casual, low-stakes, non-political question about race and didn't understand why i--a black woman--thought it might be a reasonable question to ask. it was so uncomfortable, i would have Removed Myself From The Situation if he hadn't driven us there. not enjoyable!
despite that incident, this guy likes me too much. he really really wants to act like we're in a Relationship. it's been like this since the beginning, and i have repeatedly reminded him that that's not what this is, lately even going as far as explicitly telling him that i'm in my Slut Era, i am messing with other people and very much enjoying myself. but he just kind of... ignores everything he doesn't want to hear, and every time i say i don't want to do something bc it would feel too Relationship-y (e.g., sleeping over, hanging out on consecutive days, spending more than 1-2 days/week together, exchanging christmas gifts, etc), he adamantly disagrees and keeps pushing me to do whatever it is (but i don't, and so...)
Bookstore recap:
i have also picked up on the things i don't like about them. i also explicitly told them that i'm seeing someone else (bc it came up naturally in conversation). they also like me too much. we spent the whole day together yesterday, the first time we've ever hung out during daylight hours. we went to a stupid little instagram-trap art exhibition, hit up one of my fave cute little cafes (which they hadn't been to before), went to one of my favorite bookstores (which they also hadn't been to before), and then came back to my place and played scrabble until sunset. we did not finish the game, but points were about tied when we gave up in favor of more pleasurable activities (which is impressive- i'm quite good). in between rounds, we're lying on my bedroom floor on my softest blanket and it's warm and dark and they look pensive so i ask what's going on and they tell me they've Caught Feelings. just a quiet, straightforward answer to my question. everything with them (except the bde) has been so unexpected, up to and including the fact that this response didn't bother me at all.
like... okay i was ovulating yesterday, so i was not entirely in my right mind, but like. both of them had the day off; i could've spent it with either of them, but i chose Bookstore (and not just bc they're huge). i really enjoy spending time with them. with Tech Guy, my little dating rules have been there for me to use as an excuse to not cross boundaries that i don't want to cross. but with Bookstore, they've been helping me to tap the brakes when i WANT to do things that i don't THINK i should do. but at this point, iiii just wanna say fuck it. they make me want to break all of my rules, and why shouldn't i? i made them, so i can also decide when they're not needed anymore. i just wanna have a good time and go with the flow. neither of us know where this is going, but we're both on the same page. i have been saying that i want to add something to my life that is just good and easy and fun, and it has very much been that. we're compatible on a lot of different levels that neither of us expected, and we've been having a really unusual time, already doing things neither of us has ever done before. everything has been so unexpectedly good.
all that said, next semester is gonna be crazy for me and they're actually starting college for the first time. (they've also had a pretty intense year of personal growth and change.) we're both gonna be going through it, so this might peter out naturally too, we might not have enough time or energy to get too deep into anything, and that would be okay. i just know that right now, it feels very natural to withdraw from one of these people and lean more into the other. every time i see tech guy, i like him a little less; every time i see bookstore, i like them a little more. maybe i am being stupid and still going too fast, bc Bookstore is coming over again on saturday (which will be the third time in a week), i am gonna let them spend the night, and it's fucking christmas and they're gonna bring me a gift. they also found out my first name by accident yesterday and i don't even care bc i know they're respectful enough not to use it and i don't care how much they know about me at this point.
maybe this whole thing will go too fast and burn itself out quickly, who fucking knows! but no matter what, this'll be interesting. i have no idea how it's gonna go, but i'm sure i will learn a hell of a lot.
#lizzo_boys.mp3#idk if i should continue this tag anymore#i said before that it seemed significant that i would be ovulating on the solstice and they'd both have the day off#guess my little hot girl autumn is very much done huh#the only bad thing is i cannotttt tell this guy it's over this close to christmas soooo when#he's out of town for the holidays and the day after he gets back my mom gets here and she'll be w me until the 31st#might just be like. this has been cool but i don't think we need to take this thing into the new year. that seems reasonable right#the bigger question is howww#i wanna just text but that would be shitty. a call would be better but we don't do that! i don't really wanna do it in person either. oof
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~ First kiss with Treasure pt. 2 (Asahi, Yedam, Doyoung, Haruto, Jeongwoo and Junghwan)
Request: “ First kiss with treasure? (reaction something like that) love your blog, you ARE the cutie 💞💞 “ - Anon
Click heeere for pt 1 with the other members. Hope you like it! :D (also someone stop me, they’re getting longer each time) (also someone stop me from calling them beans) (just stop me in general, I guess hehehh) - Nova
Asahi
so many moments where he wanted to do it
but couldn’t get himself to
the moment you left after another great date that should’ve ended with a kiss he’d sigh
‘next time... yes, next time.’
you two were sitting on a parkbench, taking a break from walking home
by now you were giving pretty clear hints that it was okay for him to kiss you
making prolonged eyecontact and looking at his lips
it started to become quite obvious
and he could definitely tell that there was some type of tension in the air
but who knows maybe he just had something on his face y’know? he could never be 100% sure
he kept thinking about it without taking action
looking back at you with his heart racing
which was a completely new feeling to him
silently hyping himself up he’d scoot closer to you, not breaking eyecontact
is this it? is he going for it?
then you hear people walking towards you and he quickly looks forward again
damn it
however he couldn’t ignore your audible sigh
later on you’d be walking again, strolling through some grass since you thought it would be fun to go off path
you were quickly surrounded by tall trees, lifting your feet up high with every step so you wouldn’t stumble over fallen branches
holding onto each others arms, soft laughs as you made your way through the forest
he felt a lot more at ease now that you two were away from the more crowded places
as you stopped for a moment, looking up and around you at the autumn colors, he’d speak up
‘this seems like a nicer place anyway- doesn’t it?’
you looked at him confused, already forgotten about the earlier moment
even though he was sure he was gonna go for it now, he’d still hesitate
but only for a second before leaning forward
the kiss was quick, simple but heartwarming
it made him think, why was this so scary to him before?
however the next time he’d want to kiss you the butterflies would be right back
only after a few kisses would it feel more natural
but he’s very willing to get used to it, especially after seeing you smile each time
Yedam
romantic bean
he’s just the sweetest so every moment with him feels so special and surreal
even something as simple as having a quick lunch together or studying in the same room
you both went to different schools but since he wanted to spend more time with you he suggested studying in a bookstore that doubled as a café
it was quiet that day since the exams weren’t really near yet
you both sat at the corner of an old table, you writing out math equations while he was working on an essay on his laptop
the soft ticking on his keyboard and your scribbling were the only things heard in the calm corner of the bookstore
the ticking stopped
you kept writing
it wasn’t until a few seconds later when you noticed he still hadn’t continued typing
looking up, wondering if he was stuck, you were greeted by his warm gaze
what you hadn’t noticed was that he had been looking at you ever since he lost focus
paying attention to how your nose scrunched up when you reached a difficult question
or how you were so delicate when you typed something into your calculator, as if you didn’t want to ruin the calm silence
he never planned on falling in love with his best friend
but here you were, looking almost ethereal in your comfy study-outfit
he smiled when you finally looked up
‘How are the math questions going?’ he muttered in a whisper
‘Pretty good- how’s your essay?’ you whispered back
you weren’t sure why you were whispering
being the only two there except for the barista who was somewhere at front
‘Not great- I’m trying to find a nice way to go from one subject to the next but it’s not flowing well.’
you chuckled, knowing fully well the essay was bomb and Yedam’s inner perfectionist was the only one not satisfied
‘I bet it’s great.’ you muttered, whispering even more quietly than before as if you were sharing a secret
‘You think so?’ he chuckled back, which had been the loudest sound so far but still only audible to you
he watched you nod before looking at your notebook again
a sparkle of confidence lit up his mind as he leaned towards you
lifting your chin back up again with the side of is index-finger
before you knew it you felt his lips against yours
a new but for some reason still familiar sensation
you melted against him, staying there a little longer to remember the feeling
‘Thank you-’ he breathed against your lips with a slight smile
before pulling back and looking at his laptop again
his ears bright red as his eyes went up to you one more time
smiling brightly when he saw you do the same
Doyoung
there have actually already been many attempts
some of which you’re aware of
like the time he was leaning in when you were watching Toy Story in his room but then Jihoon walked in to tell you two about something Junkyu just did
and some of which you’re not aware of
like the time he was hyping himself up to just go for it but when he made eyecontact you said he had disco-sprinkles on his nose from the ice cream he was eating
it has been a struggle
but nonetheless he still enjoys every minute with you and doesn’t feel very pressured
it’ll happen when the time is right
one night you were hanging out in the practice room
the other boys had left already but Doyoung was practicing a solo choreo he had been working on
he loved when you kept him company
the ‘late night crazies’, as you two called it, set in quite quickly though
giggles all over the place as you danced and screamed along to all kinds of songs
he’d teach you choreos of which he tried to convince you they were legit
when really he just made the both of you look silly on purpose
the night was filled with laughter and neither of you realized how late it actually was
you’d go from popping to cha-cha-cha to a dance Doyoung swore was called ‘the transformer’ where you had your backs together with your arms intertwined
your legs all of a sudden in the air as he bent over, holding you on his back
you were crying from laughing so hard as he twirled you around the practice room like that
while loudly adding his own improvised sound effects to the Skrillex-song that was playing
when he put you down all you could do was roll on the floor grabbing your stomach from laughing so hard
he’d lay down on the floor next to you, staring at the ceiling together as you’d catch your breath
his hand reached for yours, intertwining your fingers and giving a gentle squeeze which made you turn your head to look at him
he continued looking up, visible trying not to smile, corners of his mouth curling up and down quickly
‘If you continue staring at me like that I may actually have to kiss you this time.’
you rolled on your side and inched closer, widening your eyes to exaggerate your staring
he chuckled ‘Alright then-’ and quickly turned to face you
grabbing your cheek with his free hand
firmly pressing his lips against yours
the kiss softened as it went on
both of your relaxing even though you were on the hard floor
‘Freaking finally-’ he muttered before kissing you once more
Haruto
might need a liiittle encouragement
or just something that clearly lets him know you wouldn’t mind
or better yet, that you can’t wait
something along the lines of a joke or a bet
it builds up over a few dates as your hints become more obvious
but every time you’re blunt about it he would block up completely and get shy
this one time you were playing mario kart and he joked about how he’s the best mario kart player in the world and you’ll never beat him
you ask him what his prize should be if he wins
he asks for something silly like you having to dance the choreo of I Love You in the middle of a busy street before asking you the same
he definitely did not expect you to ask for a kiss
his ears stay bright red through the entire race, barely focusing with his heart racing more than his character as he’s clearly trying to lose
you decide not to tease him about it this time, knowing very well that it would work against you
oh, look at that. he lost. wow.
‘Hehe- whoops.’
audible gulp
without even saying anything you turn to him, trying not to grin too brightly
his heart still skips a beat and in panic he leans in aaaand-
kisses you on the cheek
and regrets it right away
damn it
you’d still smile because even though you really wanted a kiss, you also don’t want to rush him
a couple of games later you get hungry and order food
still thinking about earlier and how he should’ve just went for it, he gets an idea
crumbling up a piecer of paper the boxes with food were wrapped in
‘Bet I can throw this in the trashcan from here?’
‘Alright, what are we betting on?’ you hum in an amused tone
‘If I make it, you have to kiss me. If I don’t, I have to kiss you.’
did he really just say that out loud so confidently
proud of himself already
but it quickly fades away as he realizes what this means
you beam and nod at him
he flicks the ball of paper at the trashcan across the room
it bounces on the edge
both of you inhale sharply
before it lands next to the trashcan
he can feel the blood rushing to his face once again and before you can boast about winning the bet
his hands have already grabbed your face, moving quickly so he doesn’t have time to get shy again
a little clumsily he kisses you
his confidence sets back in through his pride
‘I guess we both won this one.’
Jeongwoo
has it all planned out
you better be ready
he’s gonna rock your world
at least, that’s what he thinks
asked the olders guys for advice
but also replied ‘Ohh- ofcourse, yea I know that.’ to everything they say
still mentally taking notes
and actually written notes later on so he doesn’t forget
he had this really nice place in mind where there’s a graffiti wall but also loads of flowers
it’s the back wall of an old museum next to a park
on the wall there’s a graffiti-piece that celebrates love where couples write their names with permanent marker
he’s so hyped
the date starts of in the actual museum
his plan was to make you see his artistic side by explaining paintings
eventually you just have a blast together, making pictures where you reenact all the paintings and sculptures
all the research he did beforehand to impress you was never really brought up
he might get in a quick ‘so this was by a woman who used colored flowers to make her own paint’
turns out that’s actually the painting next to it but you’re still amazed
the next part of mission ‘give her the best date ever’ was getting churros at a stand outside and walking through the park while eating them
he’d hold your hand and try his best to be a good conversational partner while also munching on his churro
‘Are you having a good time?’ just to check.
you were getting closer to his big finale
‘I have something to show you. A few years ago I was here too and promised myself to come back here with someone special.’
he guids you to the back of the building you had visited earlier
‘It’s really cool, you’re gonna love it.’
tension rising
turning a corner
‘Wait- what?’
you were greeted by a completely white wall
aside from a few dirt patches at the bottom it was impeccably white
his heart sank
a soft whine escaping
it left you quite confused because he raised the expectations earlier
‘This moment was meant to be perfect.’ he huffed
after you asked him what’s wrong he would explain everything
from the day he first saw the graffiti wall to how he planned this entire date in detail
‘It was such a great idea too- and- and- you really would’ve loved it.’
he was rambling at this point
the standard he put up for himself was quite high and he didn’t realize how much he had been stressing about it until now so it all came out at once
‘you deserve the best and I prepared the best but the universe just goes nahh-.’
you’d giggle
‘what’s so funny?’ he’d chuckle slightly at your response
after hearing you talk about how much you loved the date and how much you appreciated him for all the effort he put into it
mostly about how it didn’t matter that the wall wasn’t there anymore and that it was the idea that counts
the date was still perfect to you
hearing you say those last view words made him realizee he still did it
you still thought it was perfect
he actually did it
without a second thought he interrupted your next sentence
kissing you deeply as all the built up stress fell from his shoulders
‘I’m a pretty great boyfriend, aren’t I?’
it was rethorical question but his heart still leaped when you nodded happily at him
Junghwan
good lord
will he manage?
still proud for just being able to talk to you
choked on air when you first held his hand
still stutters when you give him a compliment
damn, I’m actually not entirely sure how he would first kiss you
after Jeongwoo wouldn’t stop asking him if he had kissed you yet he would really start thinking
he was gonna have to kiss you eventually
still secretly hoping you would kiss him sometime but also wants to be confident and take initiative
one day you’re watching a show at your place and the two main characters kiss on screen
in the corner of your eye you can see his ears getting red, trying to look natural and clearing his throat
without looking at you he’d mumble under his breath
‘Hey- uh.. weird question but-’
you asked him to repeat himself since you couldn’t hear properly
‘Oh- nothing, no, never mind.’ shakes his head rapidly
his gaze never leaving the tv
a few seconds pass by and you could tell how hard he was thinking still
‘but like- not that I uh- care or anything. But- haveyoueverkissedanyonebefore?’
damn, this boy should try rapping more
luckily you did make out his words
this time it was your turn to blush
‘no- have you?’
shakes his head rapidly again
awkward silence, both still staring at the tv
‘would you-...’ a little more silence ‘...- want to?’
you turned to look at him, not really answering his question
it felt like you could hear his heartbeat from where you were sitting, or was it yours?
his head turned slowly, eyes darting over your face a few times before he finally made eyecontact
he could tell from the way you looked back that this was it, now was the time
in a swift motion he leaned forward and kisses you on the lips
a quick peck which made you realize that it was your own heartbeat you were hearing because it was through the roof now
‘Heh wow- your lips are really soft.’
#hi my name is nova and I spend over half of my days writing about my favorite group while I should really be studying#how are you?#treasure#treasure 13#ygtb#yg#treasure reaction#treasure scenario#asahi#yedam#doyoung#haruto#jeongwoo#jungwoo#junghwan#kpop#writings
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Title: Centerfold [Pt.2]
Ship: Beca Mitchell/ Chloe Beale
(Read Part one here)
Beca Mitchell’s phone was a box of constant communication. She had her emails redirected so that she could feel every single time she needed to address something at the office, even if she was there and the soft pinging culminated in the very screen she stared at. She had a multitude of contacts and would video chat with the team in Italy, and sometimes L.A.
So, what she knew deep down, was that it was impossible for her not to look at her phone all day. Physically she had to check the notifications to keep her world running. Emily intercepted most of them, keeping her deep stare on her own screen before glancing up at her boss every couple of minutes. They were both on edge and Beca didn’t much appreciate the tension that sparked between them.
She held her breathe each time a new ping sounded off until eventually that lull of anxiety was hushed to a dull ache in the pit of her chest. She went through her morning meets and a new presentation to her team about how their coding for a new watch wasn’t up to parr- they had a few days to fix it before it dropped, and the CEO made sure she knew that.
When the notification from Chloe did finally come through, Beca almost didn’t’ notice. She registered the pink of the logo that slowly shifted to a deep purple. But the name? Oh, the name she hadn’t clocked for a few seconds after that. And even then, Chloe Beale? Her Chloe, actually responded.
Beca lilted the computer screen and frantically looked up at Emily, who was already at her door. She didn’t bother to knock. Instead, she situated the office and closed the blinds and very coolly, but not so coolly, pressed her back against the wood and breathed.
“Dude,” Beca said.
“I know,” Emily said “Did you read it?”
She hadn’t read it. She hadn’t even thought to read it because her mind got stuck behind the massive roadblock that was Chloe Beale and her stupid pun username. She opened the application and hesitated over the message icon. She was supposed to be playing it hard to get like she didn’t’ care if she even got a response. But she did care and apparently so did her assistant because she was right behind her, blindly gawking like her halo fell into her eyes and blinded her from right and wrong.
“If I click this she’ll see that I read it and then there’s no going back.”
“You don’t want to go back, do you?”
“You told me to keep her guessing,”
“Truthfully, I didn’t think you’d even get a response.” Emily shrugged sheepishly “Figured you would forget about it in a few days and… open it.”
Beca frowned but hovered the mouse over the message. She wanted to close her eyes but felt like she was watching a car accident, complete with the red and blue flashing lights and the metallic crunch of metal. Either way, she couldn't avert her stare. She didn’t want to.
Chloe: Hey stranger. I must admit that I was never expecting to hear from you again, big shot manager. I’ve kept my tabs on you… New York is my home, so if you’re serious about coffee, so am I.
Her breath caught in her throat. Chloe Fucking Beale had said yes. Her childhood love had agreed to coffee that neither of them could probably stomach. Chloe Fucking Beale who was a playboy model with more than a million Instagram followers, and Chloe Fucking Beale who she was pretty sure she still loved.
There had been other people, men, and women that she had thought she fell for. She folded into soft touches and stronger commands. She was happy for months at a time and on one rare occasion a full year with a man who ran his own tours of the city. But none of those relationships had ever been like the one she had with Chloe.
Beca pulled in a long breath that filled her lungs with stale coffee and copy paper. She tilted her lid and looked to Emily because she was the expert. And Beca was frozen. That same cold excitement filled her and it also rocked her ever-loving shit. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t think.
Emily looked at the darkened screen, then at her boss, then back at the screen before lunging forward and typing back a reply. Perfect. Are you free this Saturday?
It turns out that Chloe was free that Saturday and if she wasn’t, she didn’t’ say a word and quietly cleared her schedule. The day was quickly approaching and Beca really wanted to know why the New York Branch put her in charge of everything when she could barely figure out what to wear to a simple cup of coffee.
This felt more like a simple cup of coffee.
Emily eventually got tired of the barrage of pictures she was getting and took a cab to Beca’s apartment an hour before the actual date. They settled on black jeans and a blue button-down that Emily pulled closer to her chest for extra measure because according to her “You look good in anything and Chloe won’t be able to make eye contact with you.”
Then she was on a subway that smelled like stale snow and hot morning breath. They picked a small shop downtown that not many people knew about. It was a feat in the city to find a place that wasn’t packed like a sardine can and Beca trusted Chloe’s judgment tenfold.
Beca got there first, and her palms were sweating despite the cool atmosphere that swept through the little shop each time the door opened. It was a meta cross between a thrifted bookstore and a café. People sat and ate and read and the scent of what Beca imagined old magic to be, mingled well with coffee grinds and fresh pastries.
She ordered a simple black americano and settled by the front window, the glass fogged from a warm contrast with the cold of the busy street and curved lettering faced the patrons. There was a simple logo and one barista behind the counter. She chose a random book and pretended to read, but only skimmed the same paragraph over and over again.
Her main focus was on the door and the bell that chimed each time it was opened. One of those times, after a businessman and a hipster kid hugging his laptop close to his chest, it was Chloe. Soft and vibrant compared to the rest of the dim academic setting.
Her hair was pulled behind her ears and a pair of golden framed glasses rested on her nose. She had aged like wine and the wind that blew in behind her carried the sweet scent of southern peaches through the front door. She wore a white sweater with a plaid peacoat and high wasted jeans, and Beca knew she was staring.
Everyone was, they couldn’t’ help it. She overtook the room with a warm and sparked presence. If anyone recognized her they didn’t’ say a thing, out of saving their own face or because the girl in the centerfold of the latest playboy was wildly different than the one standing in front of her. This… this was her Chloe.
She didn’t’ know if she could hug Chloe, if touching was okay, but as she stood to greet her, she was pulled into the warmth of the woman. She was wrapped in overwhelming touch and emotion and she buried her nose into Chloe’s hair as they held onto each other, not quite willing to let go of the familiarity before realizing that it was inappropriate not to.
“Wow,” Chloe ran her hands down Beca’s arms, stopping at her elbows “You haven’t aged a day, have you?”
“It’s the lighting in here, I think it’s one step up from basement overhead.”
Chloe laughed and it was a magical sound. The only thing more intoxicating was her smile, which never seemed to leave her lips as she ordered her own drink, something loaded with sugar and caramel, and leaned forward across the table to get a better look at her date.
Beca sipped her coffee and quirked an eyebrow “What?”
“I haven’t seen you in ten years, I think it’s perfectly acceptable for me to study you.”
“There’ll be plenty of time for that,” She tested “What have you been up to all these years?”
Chloe leaned back in her seat and cupped her mug. It was a russet red and steam rose from the pale liquid that soaked inside. There was a sickeningly sweet odor to it and part of Beca regretted ordering nothing but a black coffee. It seemed like a disservice to the atmosphere of the shop.
“Oh, a bunch of stuff here and there. I used to be based out of LA, I did a lot of acting there. Little stuff like soap operas and a couple of commercials. It wasn’t for me, though so I moved here to pursue modeling and it’s been going well. Really well.”
Beca didn’t’ want to mention the playboy magazine or the curve of Chloe’s legs and the way her skin shown under the bright summer sun. She never returned it to Jason because he never asked for it back. It was an unspoken solidarity between the two.
“That’s amazing,” Beca smiled, feeling excitement in her chest “Anything I would recognize?”
Chloe hummed into her drink “Mm, maybe a few things. It depends on how you feel about Playboy. I never thought you were much of a reader.”
Beca looked down dejectedly at the old spined book to her right. It was true, she hadn’t read the Catcher in the Rye and she barely got through the introduction paragraph because of the nerves and the heartbeat that beat so strongly against the inside of her wrist right now.
“I’m not usually. But I do enjoy looking at the pictures.” Beca flicked her stare back towards the woman across from her “Though, that’s not the reason I reached out to you.”
“Truth is, I’ve always wanted to message you, but you looked like you were doing so well. Like you were so happy. I didn’t want to throw you off or seem like I was chasing something that we used to have.” She said, “So I waited.”
It was Beca’s turn to laugh, “I felt the same exact way. We’re both pretty stupid, then huh? Waiting like this for something we knew… for something we knew we wanted.”
Chloe smiled wider and clinked her mug against Beca’s yellow one, not spilling any of the mostly full drink. “To being stupid. And getting to know each other all over again.”
And that’s exactly what they did. They sat and talked until they were the only two in the coffee shop and Beca even dared to kiss Chloe when they got to the subway platform. She tasted like caramel and sunshine if such a thing was even possible.
But it was because she had found Chloe. Centerfold Chloe. High school Chloe, and most importantly, her Chloe.
#Beca Mitchell#chloe beale#bechloe#bechloe fic rec#pitch perfect#pitch perfect fandom#pitch perfect fanfiction#Bechloe Fanfic#Bechloe fanfiction#Request#au
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Knights of the Night (ch 9)
Chapter 9
Ch 1, ch 2, ch 3, ch 4, ch 5, ch 6, ch 7, ch 8, ch 9
https://archiveofourown.org/works/29139240/chapters/71536491
pairing: Jungkook x oc
genre: vampire au, college au, twilight, romance
word count: 2,620
warnings: blood (obviously), kidnapping, child kidnapping, needles, France
notes: vampires, vampire au, college, college au, so many twilight references, blood, needles, kidnapping, children, homelessness, dance, ballet, flashbacks, romance, slow burn, probably no smut, idk yet tho, France, French things, attempted genocide, inaccurate French history, bisexual main character, @strawberriewithchocolate-blog @mozy-j @daechwitad-2 @zobadak
summary: Catalina starts college in a small town all the way across the country. She doesn’t know anyone and isn’t exactly looking for friends. She just wants to focus on dance. But when she meets fellow dance major, Jimin, and adventurous, fellow freshman, Jungkook, Catalina ends up discovering a whole new side to the small college town; one that is dangerous but oh so enticing…
The warm weather was fleeting; Catalina spent her days studying, working, and every chance she got, hanging out with her friends. The “baseball encounter”, as she’s been calling it, has been living in the back of her mind ever since, even though it seemed her friends had forgotten about it. She never brought it up, just focusing on her college life. Namjoon took her out to fancy bookstores and coffee shops, Jungkook tried and failed to teach her how to skateboard, and Jin tried and failed to help them in French. She was kept busy and she was having fun.
All was peaceful, until a college student was reported missing in St. Briggs. Jimin cornered Catalina in dance class about it one chilly, early winter day.
They were practicing their dance to “Body”, by Megan Thee Stallion.
“One, two, three, turn, five, six, step and hit,” the teacher called out. “One, two, ba, ba, jump, Steve! What song are you dancing to, ‘cause it’s not this! Find the goddamn beat! Alright, everyone except Steve, take five.”
Catalina’s final move in the dance was on the ground, so instead of getting up, she crawled over to her dance bag and pulled out her water bottle, collapsing against the wall. Jimin joined her and said, “Have you heard the news?”
Catalina shook her head between sips.
“A student went missing,” he said. “In St. Briggs. From our college.”
���Aren’t they the second person to go missing here?” Catalina asked. “I don’t like the sound of that.”
“Yeah, me neither,” said Jimin. “The first person was a little kid. My parents are freaking out about me walking to campus now.”
“And the police have no idea who the guy is?” asked Catalina. “I mean, they don’t know anything?”
“Not really,” said Jimin. “It’s like these people disappeared without a trace.”
“Hm,” Catalina thought about the disappearances and the mysterious “baseball encounter”. She wondered if they were connected. “You wanna do some investigating?”
“What are you-no, we’re not visiting those vampires,” said Jimin. “That’s a really bad idea. Namjoon told us to stay out of it and he definitely knows more about this stuff than we do.”
Catalina knew she wouldn’t get anywhere with Jimin. She would just have to wait until she saw Jungkook to bring it up again. She knew he’d have no qualms about going on a potentially life-threatening mission.
Her chance came that weekend when she and Jungkook worked their shift together at the souvenir shop. Business was starting to pick up since the first snow was expected to arrive any day now.
Tourists started stopping by more and more and Catalina got to see what Jungkook meant by “hot tourists”. The men and the women were beautiful, and her and Jungkook both had fun checking them out from behind the counter. But today was slow, so Catalina figured she’d take the opportunity to tell him about her plan.
“Jungkook, what do you think about stealing that business card and sneaking around a potential lair?” asked Catalina.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but yes. I’m in,” he said. The two of them were straightening the ceramic bear and eagle figurines, killing time between customers.
“Remember those three vampires on baseball day?”
“Uh-huh.”
“The guy gave Namjoon a business card,” said Catalina.
“Oh right! Yeah, I remember,” said Jungkook.
“I was thinking maybe we could steal it and do our own investigating. I mean, what if those guys have something to do with the missing people?” Catalina said. Jungkook looked up at her with wide eyes.
“Oh shit! Ya know, you’re probably right!” he said. “They just moved here, and then all of a sudden, a kid goes missing in this town. It makes sense.”
“Exactly,” said Catalina.
“But how will we get the business card?” asked Jungkook. “Do we sneak into his room or his office or whatever?”
“That’s what I was thinking. One of us distracts him, while the other sneaks in and finds it,” said Catalina.
“I feel like you should distract him. A classic honey pot mission,” said Jungkook.
“Do you know what that means?” Catalina asked, snickering.
“Don’t you seduce someone to complete a mission?” asked Jungkook.
“You usually have to fuck someone in a honey pot mission,” said Catalina.
“Oh, well, how bad can it be? I mean, he’s hot as fuck,” he said with a wave of his hand. Catalina’s face turned bright red.
“I’m not- we’re…” she sighed. “Jungkook, casual sex isn’t really my thing and I don’t like him that way. I don’t think he likes me that way either.”
“Are you kidding? What about all those bookstores and coffee shops? Those weren’t dates?” asked Jungkook. “What were you guys doing?”
“Looking at books!” said Catalina. “He just really likes literature, and I really like coffee.”
“Did he pay for your coffee every time?”
“Yes.”
“Then that’s a date,” said Jungkook.
“We spot each other all the time. So, are you telling me it’s a date when you pay for my McDonalds or when I pay for your movie ticket?” asked Catalina.
“That’s different,” said Jungkook. Catalina threw her hands up.
“Okay, we’re getting off topic,” she said. “You distract him, I’ll get the card.”
“Casual sex also isn’t my thing though,” said Jungkook.
Catalina threw her head back laughing. “You don’t have to fuck him! Just keep him downstairs talking or something.”
“I can do that. Are we doing it tonight?” asked Jungkook.
“Sure.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~
That evening, Catalina and Jungkook went to the mansion. Jungkook brought his French homework. Luckily, Namjoon was the one to answer the door.
“Oh, hey guys! Come on in,” he said. He led them to the lounge and Jungkook immediately got his homework out.
“I was wondering if you could help me with this,” said Jungkook.
“Sure, let’s see,” said Namjoon. Catalina wandered off. The upstairs was thankfully not as big as the main floor, but there were many halls and many rooms. Catalina went to Hoseok’s room, starting her search from there. The next door in the hallway was open. Catalina looked inside, flicking on the light switch. It looked like a basic, model bedroom. It didn’t look like it belonged to anyone, probably a guest room. The next room was enormous and absolutely trashed. The giant bed in the middle of the room had a mountain of blankets and clothes on it. Clothes, loose papers, and books littered the floor. Beat up, crooked antique paintings decorated the walls, along with torn calligraphy banners. The Asian style furniture looked ancient, worn and battered, but luxuriously wealthy.
Catalina moved on to the next room. This one was a bit more modern and, curiously, vaguely nautical themed. A huge window against the back wall let light shine in on the white painted wood of the furniture, the mess of easels and canvases in the corner, and the mix of paintings on the seashell wallpapered walls: realism, abstract, cubism, a few charcoal sketches of Hoseok, Yoongi, and Namjoon, and a single painting of a lighthouse looking out at a stormy sea. Catalina went to the next room.
This one was the most modern, with dark walls and mahogany furniture. It was sleek and rustic, with a twisted wood bed frame, alpaca rugs on the ground, smooth couches in the corner with a driftwood coffee table in the center, and along every free wall, bookshelves. The entire room was spotless. This must be Namjoon’s room. At least, Catalina hoped it was. She stepped inside and went to the desk tucked into one of the bookshelves. She rifled through the drawers until she found one filled with business cards.
“Shit,” she whispered. There were quite a few cards, but she got to work sorting through them. Most of them looked old and yellowed with age. She automatically set those ones aside. She couldn’t remember that vampire’s name, but she knew she’d remember it if she saw it. After sorting through what felt like hundreds of cards, she finally found one with the familiar name on it.
It was a new card, simple, with just a name, an address, and a phone number on it. The name on it was Makai La’ei. That sounded right. Catalina rearranged the rest of the cards back to how she found them and shoved this one in her pocket. She was definitely running out of time, Jungkook only had so much homework.
When she got downstairs, she went right to the lounge, but it was empty. Jungkook’s French textbook was laying open on the coffee table. Her heart skipped a beat. Namjoon wouldn’t hurt him, would he? She thought. She backed out of the lounge and looked up and down the hallway. Her heart was pounding, but before her thoughts could fully run away on her, she heard Jungkook’s voice approaching, saying, “And that’s how I went to senior prom with Dr. Dre’s daughter, Truly.”
Namjoon and Jungkook rounded the corner, both holding McDonalds bags and hot coffees in their hands.
“You guys went out?” Catalina asked.
“Yeah, we got hash browns,” said Namjoon, handing one of the bags to her.
“Isn’t this yours?” asked Catalina.
“Grease gives me a stomachache,” he said.
“I was just craving hash browns. I figured you’d want a few too,” said Jungkook. Catalina’s heart skipped a beat, but this time not out of fear.
“I love these,” she whispered, opening the greasy paper bag to see three hash browns inside. Something nudged her hand. She looked up to see Jungkook handing her his coffee as well. Namjoon wandered off, sipping at his own coffee. “What are you doing?”
“I don’t like coffee,” he said. “Take it.”
“Thank you,” she said. “Did you already finish your homework?”
“Yeah, turns out Namjoon is fluent in French,” said Jungkook. “And Korean, and Chinese, and Japanese, and German. And…what was that other one?”
“Swahili,” Namjoon said from inside the lounge.
“Why?” asked Catalina.
“I was bored,” he said with a shrug. Jungkook looked at Catalina with questioning eyes. Catalina nodded.
“Well, thank you for helping me with this,” said Jungkook, gathering his textbook and notes. “I hate this class, so any help is much appreciated. Anyway, we have to get going. We have some errands to run.”
“Sure, no problem,” said Namjoon as he walked them to the door. “We’re all fluent in French here, expect for Hoseok, so feel free to ask any of us any time.”
“Thank you,” Catalina said as she pulled her shoes on.
~~~~~~~~~~
“That was too easy,” said Jungkook as they were getting into his car.
“Not really!” said Catalina. “He had a whole drawer full of business cards. I had to sort through all of them.”
“I was talking about the homework,” said Jungkook. He pulled out of the driveway and began the drive down the mountain. “He gave me all the answers. But that explains why you were gone for so long.”
“Yeah, and I saw the other rooms,” said Catalina. “I think Tae’s room is nautical themed.”
“Why?” Jungkook asked. Catalina shrugged. “Well, whatever. Does that card have an address on it?”
“Yeah,” Catalina pulled the card out of her pocket and typed the address into her maps app. It gave her a route to a location in the middle of the town. She let Siri lead them as she plugged in her phone and looked up spy music on iTunes. She found a playlist and put it on shuffle, letting the groovy guitar of “Secret Agent Man” blast through the car.
By the time they arrived, they were well into “Hawaii Five-O”. The GPS had led them to what looked like an abandoned hospital. Jungkook drove a block past it so they could walk the rest of the way. As they walked, they reviewed the plan.
“So, we can’t get caught, obviously,” said Jungkook. “We’re just sneaking in, taking a quick look, maybe some pictures, then getting out.”
“Right,” said Catalina. “Quick and fast.”
They snuck in and found a basement stairwell, which they took. The rest of the hospital was empty. They could hear voices coming from the basement, so as quietly as they could, they snuck down the stairs, which led them to a cement tunnel with a metal grated floor. The tunnel gave Catalina a sense of Déjà vu, but she couldn’t figure out why. Faint voices echoed from the end of the tunnel. They reached the end and peaked around the corner. What they saw made their jaws drop. A huge, cavernous cement room with some furniture in the middle. Doors lined the walls, some open, some closed. Catalina could see from where she was that there were people in the rooms with open doors. People sitting or laying on the ground, tubes attached to their arms connecting to IV stands, blood bags hanging from the hooks.
Jungkook was snapping rapid fire pictures of as much of the room as they could see.
The voices, which were coming from a part of the room they couldn’t see, stopped talking.
“Bernard, go check the tunnel and stairs. I thought I heard something.”
Before Bernard even had a chance to move, Catalina and Jungkook booked it back down the tunnel and up the stairs. Jungkook led the way, and he was fast, so Catalina struggled to keep up with him. Once they were at the top of the stairs, they looked around for an open room. A bit down the hall, there was an open doorframe with a missing door. They darted for it, Jungkook pulling her inside and crowding her against the wall, hidden in the shadows.
Catalina was scared they’d be caught, but now she freaking out about something entirely different, namely, Jungkook’s chest and arms caging her against the wall. He was so close that Catalina could feel the heat coming off him. Her blush made its way down her neck into her chest, her breath quickening.
“He’s coming,” Jungkook whispered, his wide eyes glued to the doorway. Sure enough, Catalina could hear heavy boots crunching through the debris in the hallway, getting closer to where they were. “Do you trust me?”
“What?” Catalina asked.
“Do you trust me?” Jungkook asked again. “I saw this in a TV show. It works every time.”
Before Catalina could ask for clarification, several things happened at once: the man, presumably Bernard, began entering the room, Jungkook pressed even closer, a hand on her waist, the other finding its way to her hair, and his lips crashed against hers. She let out a squeak of surprise but quickly caught on, gripping his shirt and leaning into the kiss.
“Oh, for crying out loud,” a man’s voice said from the doorway. They broke apart and looked at him. “This is private property, guys. Get lost.”
“Sorry,” Jungkook said, flashing a sheepish smile. Bernard stepped aside to let them past, waving them in the direction of the exit. Even though her heart was still pounding out of her chest and her head was still spinning, Catalina made a point to check Bernard’s eyes. They were red.
On their way out, they heard the crackle of a walkie talkie and Bernard saying, “It was just some kids making out upstairs. This happens way too often, boss. We gotta start putting signs up or something.”
On their way to the car, Jungkook said, “That was a close one.”
“Was that just an excuse to kiss me?” Catalina joked, not sure she wanted to know the answer.
“It worked, didn’t it?” Jungkook said with a wink. Catalina blushed and shoved him.
“Shut up,” she said.
.
.
#bts#bts fanfction#knights of the night#kim namjoon#kim seokjin#Jimmy K#min yoongi#jung hoseok#park jimin#kim taehyung#jeon jeongguk#rm#jin#captain kirk#yoongi#suga#jhope#hobi#jimin#v#jungkook#crystalstar
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Jour -40: View of Chicago from Navy Pier’s Centennial Wheel.
Our last day of the trip was yesterday. We still managed to get lots done!
After checking out of the hotel, we headed into the city one more time. Our first stop: breakfast. Unfortunately, the breakfast place I’d looked at wasn’t taking walk-ins (I should’ve figured, since it was in an affluent suburb at 12:00 on a Saturday, lol). We wandered around the neighborhood for a bit longer and tried a few more similarly-fully-booked places until- hm! Another French restaurant! I promise I’m not trying to visit every French place in Chicago, but this one happened to be taking walk-ins!
Breakfast was very tasty and filling. My friend and I were seated next to a couple and their young daughter, and we had a nice chat with them. The little girl was adorable; she was about 2 and very talkative! Even though I don’t want kids of my own, I do like entertaining them a lot. Her mother even had majored in French in college, just like I’m doing now. One of the things I appreciate about the Midwest and something I know I’ll miss in France is just how talkative everyone is. Here, we make conversation with everyone: the people on the bus, in the train station, at restaurants, you name it. I know Europe is a little different, but I hope I can meet just as many nice people.
After leaving the restaurant we went downtown once again to the Tribune Tower. I absolutely LOVE the architecture on this building and wanted to get a closer look. While I was at my visa appointment on Jour -41 my friend had wandered over to the tower and noticed that it had rocks and stones embedded into the exterior walls from all sorts of cool places, and I knew then that I wanted to see it in person. As we approached, a man and his two sons were standing outside selling candy to support their school’s basketball team, so we bought some.
Walking the exterior of the Tribune Tower was very cool. They had stones or artifacts from all 50 states and some from other countries, too! There was a brick from England’s House of Commons, part of the Berlin Wall, a stone from where Washington crossed the Delaware, and a piece of sandstone from Arizona! And obviously so, so much more.
We started towards Navy Pier after that. On the way, we stumbled upon a little bookstore and decided to go inside. My friend is a big sci-fi fan so I ended up picking up two suggestions from her (Dune, World War Z), an art-nouveau inspired graphic novel, and then we each chose one awful 50s pulp fiction book for $2.50. They did have a few books in French but most of them were, strangely enough, reference manuals or research works? There was, for example, a book about calculus from 1946, and one dissecting the works of Bernanos. So, sadly, I left without any French books.
We managed to walk in the wrong direction of the pier for probably 35 or 40 minutes before having to loop back around. It was a cold and windy day, but I love the winter so I really didn’t mind. I did feel bad for my friend, though, who had been having foot problems since the beginning of the trip. I thought I was a good navigator!! Ahh!!
We got to the pier and got onto the Centennial Wheel pretty quickly. While the pier itself is oft considered a tourist trap, I think the wheel is worth the money, especially at sunset which is when we managed to catch it. I took today’s photo close to the top!
After that we rested for a bit in a nearby Welcome Center, then headed across the river back towards the Loop. On the way across the river we managed to see the Christmas Bus! Every year, Chicago wraps a train and a bus in Christmas lights, decorates the inside, and puts Santa on there every day of December before Christmas! We’d wanted to ride one of them once we found that out, but never got a chance to. Still, we were very happy we got to at least see the Christmas bus in person.
Across the river we walked into the big 7 floor Macy’s. Neither of us had never been in one of these grand department-store-style versions of the chains before (suburban Macy’s/Dillards/etc are usually only two stories) and wow. They had EVERYTHING from a luggage section to a candy counter to a restaurant! We wandered out into the tunnel leading to the subway briefly to check out an exhibit set up about American stained glass. I LOVE stained glass, so this was crazy cool to me.
Our very last stop was the McDonald’s. I was honestly stressed for the workers, it was so busy and everyone in there was so utterly passive aggressive for no reason. I’ve worked fast food, but never anything that bad.
Finally, we got back on the train, waited for the airport shuttle, went back to the hotel to grab our bags, took the airport shuttle back to the airport, checked our bags, and made it past TSA. We bought some candy for the trip and promptly ate it all before boarding, and then we had to sit in the plane still in the gate for an hour longer than we should’ve. Eventually we took off, and my friend and I took turns trying to guess what all the cities and lights we flew past were. Flying at night is so beautiful.
With that, our trip was over. I hope you all have liked this small taste of BVBC, and I hope you’ll stick around for when I’m in France-- and beyond! I likely won’t be posting daily updates until the semester starts, but I hope you’ll stick around!
Bon voyage, bon courage !
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If You Love Someone, Let Them Go: Part 2
Summary: Since starting with SVU, Sonny hadn’t kept much terribly close to the chest. The squad knew about his family, growing up on Staten Island, the classes at Fordam. What was hidden was why he didn’t date. Sonny Carisi was also separated from his childhood sweetheart, a separation neither ever took to divorce. They had the same haunts. They’d grown up neighbors. Their paths crossed every few months, and divorce talks would turn into reminiscing would turn into a night spent together, sometimes sex sometimes just talking until the early morning. It always ended with one of them waking up alone however. How will that change when the squad finds out?
Pairings: Sonny Carisi x Original Character,
A/N: Ayyy, I’ll probably be posting these as I write them because I kind of like them.
Part 1
November 2013
When Victoria stepped into the bookstore she’d always frequented when she and Sonny first moved into the city, she didn’t expect to see him standing in the back. It felt wrong to see him out and about; being caught off guard was a reminder she didn’t know his schedule anymore. All she did know was that it was late enough he’d just left a night class, given he was in the city. She hadn’t seen him since he left the apartment the morning she left. Had he called? Once that she answered. She told him she felt like he didn’t want her there, and he told her that was stupid, of course he did. When she hung up, she didn’t hear anything else. Bella told her he didn’t seem to get it, discrediting the suggestions his sister knew were the problems. The youngest sister was the closest with Victoria, and she wasn’t willing to give up her confidant with Tommy not out yet. That meant Bella went between her brother and his wife, trying to get them to fix it. Sonny’s birthday had been weird enough without her; she wasn’t ready for the holidays.
“Victoria,” he exhaled when he saw her. Victoria didn’t like seeing that it looked like he wasn’t doing that well. When he wasn’t in front of her, she could pretend he was happy and healthy in their apartment on Staten Island. He certainly hadn’t slept much and was lurking the aisles this close to closing in the city. His hair was shaggier, his face had a few days worth of stubble, and his eyes had dark circles. It had only been three months, and it felt like any scabbing of the emotional wound had just been torn off in one fell swoop. Something had made him pull away, she’d known. He needed to tell her why, and she hated knowing leaving didn’t help. She hadn’t really expected it to, but she thought it might prompt him to talk to her. In all the time they’d known each other, they had been able to intuitively figure out what was wrong, watch the other and piece things together. Because of that, neither of them knew what to do when the other one couldn’t just figure it out.
“Dominick,” she nodded, shifting awkwardly. Both of them could see the glint of the other’s ring, relaxing ever so slightly not to be the only one wearing it.
“We oughta talk, huh?”
“Straight into it?”
“I don’t know what else to say to you. Which is weird.”
“Yeah. We could go to the park?”
“Okay. Do you want to get coffee or anything on the way?”
“Yeah,” she nodded, teeth pulling at the skin on her lips. She followed him to the street. They fell into step together easily, but the silence was heavy. There was too much that needed to be said, and neither of them knew how to say it.
“Starbucks or bodega?”
“Starbucks. I need hot, but not coffee.” He nodded, pulling the door open. Before she could say anything, he ordered her usual non-caffeinated order with his. When Victoria tried to protest, he shook his head, paying and going ahead to wait for her hot chocolate with his tea in hand. Saddling up to his side, she offered a quiet “Thanks.”
He nodded, watching her as she grabbed her drink. She didn’t look different than the last time he saw her, but it suddenly struck him that she didn’t look well. What upset him about that was the realization she’d looked like this, a look he knew meant she was hurting, for a while before she left. Her hair was in a haphazard braid, she didn’t have the make up she normally wore to work, she hadn’t bothered to take the apron off for her walk home. He led her to the nearby park, and they again walked in silence. It was foreign to him to be so close to her and not know what to say. They’d been married seven years, and he’d known her since he was five. He’d known her for twenty-two of his twenty-seven years, and now he was just staring at her. When he found an empty bench, he sat, and she settled beside him. It was hard to see her again, but he was grateful when she still sat close enough her arm brushed his. They both watched the empty patch of grass on the other side of the pathway, neither able to look at the other.
“Why?” he finally asked, and she winced at how small his voice sounded. When she was there, she knew something was wrong, but she hadn’t heard him sound so defeated before.
“I didn’t feel like you wanted me there.”
“That’s bullshit, Victoria.”
“When was the last time we did something together before you left? And I mean not just breakfast and dinner or rushed sex when you got home late.”
“Probably only like a month.”
“Four months. Easter with your family. I kept asking for dates or a movie night- anything- but you’d cancel or just never follow through.”
“Work was just busy. And then with classes I needed to take OT.”
“So over the course of four months and maxing out on OT, you couldn’t miss one evening? You missed my birthday. You missed celebrating the bakery. Something was bothering you and you wouldn’t tell me. You stopped telling me you loved me, Sonny.”
“No I didn’t.”
“Yeah. In May.”
“You were putting shit on a calendar?” he asked, and she could feel him bristling. He was getting frustrated, and she was fighting tears. She didn’t know how tears would impact this conversation. Could they be rational? Would he feel bad or angry? Beside her, realization was hitting Sonny that she was right. He wasn’t keeping work from her in a healthy way, and he’d fucked up. Royally.
“No, but you start to notice.”
“How long did you feel like I didn’t care?” he asked, and he was shifting from angry to hurt. She could see his neck tightening, his hands running over his thighs as he processed what he was hearing. Bella had already told him all of it, but he’d assumed she was overanalyzing. Sticking her nose in where she didn’t need to be. Instead, she’d realized what he couldn’t.
“Since my birthday. So almost a year now.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I never saw you, Dominick. That didn’t feel like a before work or on the phone conversation. Plus, it felt so whiny. Having you realize you missed my birthday should’ve been enough. I figured Gina, Teresa, and Bella would be giving you enough hell. And then I left thinking you’d listen to that. And you called and I tried to tell you and you called it stupid. What was I supposed to do from there?”
“It is stupid. I always want you in our home. You’re my wife, Victoria.”
“You weren’t showing it, Dom.”
“Apparently.” He watched her, hating the tears that were slipping out of the corners of her eyes. She looked tired. More than that. She looked defeated. Without thinking, he cupped her cheek, thumb brushing her tears away. His heart fluttered gently when she closed her eyes and leaned into his touch, but it also struck him suddenly how long it had been since these casual moments of affection. She was right. Easter was probably the last time, and that made Sonny want to march right off the nearest pier. Sure, there were things he needed to share with her, but did he have to stop playing with her fingers or coming home for dinner?
“I do love you,” she whispered. “I’m not stupid. I know something else was wrong. I couldn’t figure out what, though. And you won’t tell me. Dom, just because I figure most things out on my own, doesn’t mean I can figure them all.”
“Nothing was wrong,” he lied, and he knew she could tell he was lying, just like she’d known when they drove to the cabin upstate for his birthday a year ago. Just like last year, she didn’t press him on it, but this time he could see it was out of resignation instead of kindness. He hated that more, he thought, because she was accepting that he wasn’t going to tell her what could fix their relationship. Instead of opening up, he pressed a gentle kiss to her temple, thankful when she clung to his side.
“I love you,” she repeated, voice desperate as her hands fisted his sweatshirt.
“I love you too, Tor. I always will.”
That night found him in her bed after they’d stayed in the park later than they should’ve. It was already dark when they arrived. She fell asleep easily, clad in only his undershirt, but Sonny found himself staring at the ceiling as his thoughts raced. He never had to try with her, and apparently that had stopped working, and he wasn’t even paying enough attention to notice. It wasn’t fair to her. He’d done too much damage, and he wasn’t sure what to do about it. He wasn’t even aware of how badly he’d messed up. There was more he hadn’t gone into with her.
He’d been on homicide the last year. No one knew when the change happened, and the cases they caught stuck with him because it seemed most of them were women. What got to him was the way they’d been cleaned up, dressed, and carefully placed. The moment he saw them, he knew they were looking for a boyfriend or husband. Their faces haunted him more than anything else. They’d accepted what was coming. There was probably a history there. Whenever he found the partners, there would be 911 calls, and neighbors who weren’t even surprised. It was why he’d started applying to work with special victims.
It would’ve made sense to talk to Victoria about how he was feeling, but she was so good and so removed from the darkest parts of people he saw on the job. He wanted to keep it from her, not give her that burden. There was also a part of him that thought he’d be tainting her when he told her. Maybe he wouldn’t give her the details, but she’d start waking up in the night like he had been. As time marched on, he’d figured out how to start managing the feelings, but he wasn’t sure if he was managing the feeling or just not exposed to it. It was so easy to lie and say nothing was wrong because then he didn’t even have to consider bringing the darkness he saw into her world. It was probably selfish, but it was also something he felt like he couldn’t control. Would she think he was weaker? Would she be haunted just by the stories? Would she be afraid whenever she saw couples bicker?
Instead of telling her that, he slid out of bed, dressed, and left before he had to tell her about that part. He left a note by the coffee maker.
You deserve better, Tor. I’ll love you always. -Sonny
When she woke up, Victoria knew he was gone. Even when things weren’t perfect, she’d always wake up with his arm slung over her or his face buried in the crook of her neck if he hadn’t left yet. Something told her if he planned to call, he’d have said goodbye before leaving for work. She also couldn’t smell cooking or coffee, so he wasn’t in the kitchen. When she brewed coffee, she found his note and felt stupid for having thought he may stay. She got her phone off the nightstand, scrubbing her eyes.
I’ll love you always too, Sonny. Do we stay separated? Or do you want a divorce?
He was at the precinct, taking the lull in activity as an opportunity to read for class. That’s what he was telling himself at least as he read the same sentence again and again. When he saw her text, his heart beat faster. Some part of him had expected to get served in the next week or so since he’d left. Instead, he got this text in mere hours. All he knew was he wanted her to stay his wife. Once there were papers, he had to accept what he’d ruined.
I don’t want a divorce.
Me either.
Okay, so just a separation?
Not like a legal one. I can pay my part on the health insurance. And you saw I have a place. So we just pay our own bills.
Don’t worry about the insurance. Talk later?
Sure, Dom
She wasn’t surprised when they didn’t talk. Instead, she continued like she had been, not taking her wedding ring off but starting her own life and coming home to an apartment void of Sonny. It would be the first holiday she could remember that she wasn’t at the Carisi’s house, and she was dreading going to Rachel’s for Thanksgiving more than she had been. She’d ask questions that Victoria didn’t have the answer to, and the answers she did have were more convoluted now.
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Elorcan Modern AU Chapter 9
It had been a little more than 2 weeks since Elide started at Adarlan High and she couldn’t love it more there. Whether she was hanging with Aelin and the rest of her friend group, watching the 13 practice and sometimes going out with them, and most of all working with Lorcan. Lorcan freaking Salvettere. Good God how could someone be that perfect. They had made a schedule so every Wednesday and Thursday and sometimes Monday they would go to the library after his practice and would always go to the bistro and eat. All of those days Elide always thought they went by too slowly until she could hang out with Lorcan. “ Hang out.” I guess that is what they thought they would do because neither of them wanted to say otherwise. Of course they both wanted more but would either of them say otherwise, no they wouldn’t. As per usual Lorcan drove over to school and Elide walked and luckily for them it was a Wednesday.
“ Hey Salvettere, happy its Wednesday,” Fenrys said as they walked into school.
“ Why would I be happy its a Wednesday?”
“ Well from what I have learned you go to the library and the bistro with the little princess on Wednesdays.”
“ That is none of your business, why are you looking in on me?”
“ Well you have been the happiest I’ve seen you basically since I’ve known you so as your dear brother it is my job to find out why.”
“ What do you mean you’ve never seen me this happy?”
“ Well from what I’ve heard you smile and laugh when your with her which is something you never do. You let her ride your motorcycle which you never let anyone ride. You are always in a better mood on the days you “ hang out” and now all the sudden love history and debate.”
“ Wow, what have you been doing stalking me?”
“ Lorcan now I’m being serious, you are the different this year, a good different. I don’t care if Maeve is telling you to do something, but don’t ruin whatever it is with you. Elide is making you a better person, hold onto her.”
Lorcan didn’t know how to respond to that so he just walked away over to history. Was he really that different? He did enjoy being with Elide, did he enjoy it a little too much? She was extremely attractive and he had liked talking to her, their banter, and the feeling he got in his gut whenever he saw her. But Maeve, what about Maeve? He loved her right? So why didn’t he want to hang out with her and only wanted to be with Elide.
Elide went through her normal routine and walked to school with the usual pep in her step that was there on Wednesday’s. She did enjoy going on his motorcycle and wrapping her arms around her, arguing with him over paying for her food at the bistro, their little knight and princess banter, she loved it all.
“ Someone’s got a pep in their step this morning,” Manon said as Elide walked into school.
“ Oooo it’s because she’s got her usual Lorcan hanging out session after school today,” Aesterin said joining them along with the rest of the 13.
Elide had also started hanging out with them and learned that her mother was a distance relative of Manon and Aesterin’s family. She was their 5th cousin or something, but when she found out she was overjoyed at the thought of being related to of her friends.
“Why would I be so happy about that?”
“ Because she likes him,” Asterin said.
“ What??? No I don’t like him, he’s my friend.”
“ Uh-huh, keep telling yourself that.”
“ It’s true!”
“ Sure....”
“ Will you shut up.”
Elide started to walk away to head to history with Aesterin’s conversation on her mind. Like Lorcan Salvettere? She did enjoy hanging out with him but she couldn’t like him, right? She walked into history surprised to find Lorcan already there and smiling at her as she walked into class. And there was the feeling in her stomach whenever she saw Lorcan.
“ Hey there princess.”
“ How goes it my dear knight.”
“ Ready to serve you on hand and foot my dear.”
“ Perfect, still on for tonight.”
“ Of course. Hey instead of going to the bistro there is a little restaurant right near the bookstore you applied to. I know you got the job there so maybe we can look around tonight.”
Lorcan’s heart stopped. Did he just ask her out? What in his in mind made him say that without thinking of the consequences. Of course she wouldn’t want to and what if she didn’t want to go on a date. “ Um.. like on a date?” Elide asked.
‘Shit’ Lorcan thought.
“ Um.. yeah. I understand if you don’t want to if you don’t like me like that and your friends don’t like me and we can forget I-”
“ Yeah, I would like that.”
Lorcan’s heart stopped again that morning. She said yes?
“ Yeah?”
“ Yes, I mean if you don't want it to be a date but I just thought that you maybe liked me like that and-”
“ Yeah, I mean I totally do I just didn’t know if you did.”
Awkward silence filled the air between them as neither knew what to say next.
“So, it’s a date,” Elide said filling the silence.
“ It’s a date.”
The bell rang and class started and both couldn’t help sneaking glances at each other throughout class. Class soon ended and the rest of the day went by too slowly for both of their tastes as lunch soon arrived and neither of them seemed to be able to wipe the small smile off their faces.
“ Woah, someone is even peppier than this morning,” Manon said as Elide sat down in her usual spot next to Aelin.
“ Well it is Wednesday, what do you expect.” Lysandra commented.
“ Oh, the study and food with Lorcan tonight?” Aelin asked.
“ Well yes, but he formally asked me out on a date for after we go to the library tonight,” Elide said with a big smile on her face.
The table fell into silence expect for Aedion and Rowan slightly choking on their food.
“ He did what??” The whole table asked.
“ He asked me out on a date.”
“ A date, a real date. Like dinner and stuff?” Rowan asked in complete shock.
“ Yeah, he said he would take me to the restaurant next to the bookstore where I just got hired then we could walk around the store. Why is that a big deal, we hang out already?”
“ Lorcan doesn’t do dates. He does hook-ups and making out. I don’t think he’s ever really gone out on a proper date before.”
“ Well I guess there’s a first time for everything.”
“ Are you sure this is a good idea Elide?” Aedion asked.
“ Yes I’m sure. I like him and he told me he liked me. We’ve hung out and he’s funny and kind to me. Maybe he’s different to you but I know the Lorcan I see and I do want to go out with him.”
The table filled with some silence again as it seemed that they were soaking in what Elide had just said.
“ Ok, just be safe,” Aelin said.
The rest of the day went by quickly and Elide and Lorcan had gone to the library and their usual spot to do some work. Of course since their conversation this morning neither one could look at the other without blushing. They managed to get some work done and soon enough they were back onto the motorcycle heading towards the new restaurant. They stopped and Elide saw a cute little Italian restaurant with a vines growing around it and incredible smelling food.
“Wow, it smells amazing from here,” Elide said as they got off the bike.
“ Yeah it does.”
They started to walk up to the restaurant when they felt their hands brush against each other. Both blushed for what felt like the millionth time that day and Elide took a risk and started to grab Lorcan’s hand. Lorcan’s heart started racing as he felt her hand take his and to her surprise he grabbed hers immediately. They walked up to the restaurant hand in hand with a smile and a blush on their face. Soon they got seated and ordered their food.
“ So... did everyone freak out when you told them you were going out with me?” Lorcan asked.
“ Kinda, Rowan was in shock that you asked me on a date and said wasn’t really your thing. They tried to talk me out of it at first but I told them that I liked you and how you were a good person who I wanted to go out with and left it alone.”
“ Sorry about that, you didn’t have to defend me.”
“ Well I was just saying the truth.”
They both blushed at that comment and made some more small talk until their food came. While eating they continued to talk as the conversation flowed to easy between them and blushed at some more comments. The bill soon came and Lorcan grabbed it immediately.
“ Since this is a date I do believe I get to pay without any arguing this time,” Lorcan said.
“ I guess so, thank you anyway. The food was incredible.”
“ Yeah it was. I guess we know have another place to get food.”
“ I guess we do.”
They got up and both grabbed each others hands again as they walked next door to the bookshop that had just hired Elide. The bell rang as the opened the door, and the owner, a small old lady smiled at them as they walked in.
“ Well if it isn’t some of my favorite people,” the owner said.
“ Nice to see you too Ms. Lily,” Lorcan said.
“ Oh, Elide my grandson flies out on Friday so if at 8 on Saturday you could get here we could get you started.”
“ Perfect, I’ll be here.”
“ Alright, now you two lovebirds have fun.”
They both blushed again at the comment and smiled at each other as they made their way down the aisles. To both of their demise they let go of their hands as the picked up books to look at them. Elide grabbed a few to fill up some of her bookshelf and made her way to to the cashier with Lorcan who had grabbed a book about motorcycle parts. Elide chuckled when she saw the book and Lorcan smiled at her. Elide went to get out her card when Lorcan went to grab his and it turned into a battle of who could get their card to the cashier first. Lorcan won.
“ You will never let me pay for anything will you?”
“ Nope, and especially not on our date princess.”
Elide chuckled and shook her head as they once again got onto the bike and drove to Elide’s house. Elide had grown to love riding on his motorcycle, being able to wrap her arms around him, the adrenaline rushing through her veins, the wind in her hair, she felt free. Too soon for both of their tastes they pulled up in the driveway.
“ I had a great time tonight my dashing knight.”
“ Oh, I’m dashing now?”
Elide punched him in the shoulder for that comment.
“ Wow, you do have a dark side do you my little princess.”
“ That was just a glimpse at it.”
“ Well I had a great time too tonight. Hey after your shift at the bookstore want to maybe get a coffee and go for a walk.”
“ Sounds great.”
They both stood there for a minute just smiling and blushing at each other until Elide leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. Lorcan froze at the touch of her lips against his cheek. She lingered there a little longer than necessary, but grabbed her things and started to head up to her house. Lorcan was still frozen until he heard her say,” see you tomorrow” and walked inside. Still frozen on his bike Lorcan was still thinking about how soft her lips felt and how he just wanted to hold her and kiss her. Finally after a couple minutes Lorcan drove away still thinking about it and had a permeant blush on his face. He got home and walked in with the biggest smile on his face anyone had seen in a long time.
“ Woah, looks like someone had a good night,” Fenrys said as Lorcan walked in.
“ You know what, I did,” Lorcan said and walked up to his room, leaving Fenrys and Connall to sit there in shock.
Elide walked inside her house with the biggest smile on her face anyone had seen in a long time.
“ What’s with the smile you little brat,” her uncle asked as she walked in.
“ None of your business.”
“ You got back later than usual, why?”
“ Well Lorcan and I went on a date tonight after our study session in the library,” Elide said proudly.
“ Ha, a date. Someone wanted to go on a date with you. I wonder how much his friends are paying him to do it or how he got dared to.”
Elide usual didn’t listen to what her uncle was saying, but this got her attention. Did the other members of the Cadre or even Maeve put him up to this as some game or some joke? Elide walked upstairs, her smile wiped off of her face as she could still hear her uncle laughing. Elide wasn’t one to sit by and wait for answers so after a couple minutes of pacing Elide decided to call him and ask. She pressed the call button on his contact and he picked up on the first ring.
“ Hey, everything alright princess?”
“ Did someone put you up to going out on a date with me?”
“ What, what do you mean?”
“ Did you friends make you do it as some kind of joke or dare?”
“ Elide no. I went out on a date with you because I like you and wanted to, no one put me up to it. “
“ Promise?”
“ I swear it on my knightlihood.”
Elide chuckled at the comment.
“ There’s that laugh, now its late princess so head to bed so you can handle all the questions from your friends tomorrow.”
“ Ok, see you tomorrow my dashing knight.”
“ See you tomorrow my gorgeous princess.”
Elide blushed at that and they hung up. Lorcan and Elide went to bed that night both still slightly blushing as they thought about their night.
@elorcan-trash @bri-loves-sunflowers
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[Darth Maul x Bookworm!Reader] Part 3 - The most beautiful gift
New to this series? Please do check out part 1 and part 2 as well ! And if you want to read what's next, you can find part 4 here !
Word count : 2356
Warnings : None, except fluff !
"Do you think my reading speed has increased?"
Maul looked at you without a word. You didn't know for sure if he was thinking or waiting for you to continue; taking a bet on the latter at his silence, you explained yourself.
"No matter if they're just as big as the last ones, it seems like new books don't last me as long. I have a pretty big pile of books I want to read, but it's getting smaller! It never happened before."
The soft wind of late summer caressed your confused features, your light scarf sitting on your crossed legs as if preparing for the upcoming autumn temperatures. You have known the Dathomirian for months now, yet the daily habits were never forgotten; no matter the weather, you would see each other, either under the tree where you first met or at your house when it was too unbearable to stay outside. You were grateful to have him, and he was grateful to have you: he expected this time away from any mission to be excruciatingly long, but you made the time fly faster than it ever had.
You sighed. The answer to your interrogation left unknown, you scooted closer to the male, his arm wrapping around you out of habit as you relaxed against his side. You just finished another book and didn't plan any other to begin, leaving you without anything to do- which you didn't mind: after all, you were in good company.
"There were days I wondered if I'd have enough of a life to read all the books available here, but the more time goes on, the more I begin to wonder if I'll have enough stories to read at all. I devour them in a heartbeat.
- You must be the only one in the galaxy to ever say this kind of thing."
His remark made you laugh a little. Of course, there were a lot of places in the galaxy you could go to and try to get new books from; you could learn another language and find untranslated stories, little gems only a few could enjoy. However, wealth was not on your side: you lived simply and happily, yet you were unable to travel anywhere else. Getting to another city on this planet was already a luxury you couldn't afford every day.
"Hey, Maul... Have you ever been to one of those big libraries in the Core worlds? I heard they had thousands and thousands of books to choose from.
- Indeed, I have been to some of them. Sometimes I had to go to another planet or system to get the book I was looking for, so I never settled with one. They are all very different from each other, some are specialized, others have almost everything you could ever ask for... but I'm convinced you'd like them all.
- Really? Ah... I wish I could visit at least one before I die. It would be amazing."
You looked up at your Zabrak friend, a gentle smile growing on your face as he returned your gaze. His eyes had their usual fire-like glow; though you noticed something different about them. Where there once was a fiery passion raging behind the bright colors, all you could see was the warmth of genuine care, a liking you felt but never noticed so clearly before. It was overwhelming, how someone who was so mysterious and distant from you could grow so close and... attached? He enjoyed your company, of this you were sure, but you didn't know if he cherished you the way you did him. Maybe proximity was a usual thing for his kind, after all. This might as well be nothing but a mix of your imagination and fantasies from the love stories you read.
Yet, it felt so right.
His gaze leaving yours took you out of your daydream and you felt pressed closer to his chest. It quickly became your favorite place to be: you didn't waste much time, your eyes closing as your face found its spot in the crook of Maul's neck, your hands gently grabbing the fabric of his black cloak. He got the habit of resting his head on yours, always careful not to harm you with his horns; at times, they reminded you of a crown, making him the King of a faraway land.
"Someday, I'll take you to all the libraries and bookstores you wish to visit. I promise."
You couldn't help but feel your heart race. It wasn't much in the words he spoke, even if they held a thrilling promise: it was his tone, quiet, gentle, almost like a feather's touch on your very soul. It had an intimate feel to it, which only the two of you could understand. There was something more. A connection neither of you could deny.
***
With each day, you grew closer to the Dathomirian, to a point where you would wonder if you were still only friends. You tried not to think about this too much: you didn't want to get your hopes up or misunderstand any of his actions, but the way he held you against him and how his gaze softened when he looked at you spoke volumes. If you weren't more, you definitely were very, very close friends, at least.
Both of you had decided on a walk on this sunny, slightly windy afternoon. A light jacket on your shoulders, you took in the fresh air while enjoying the comfortable silence which settled earlier. This was something you cherished in your relationship with him: how you would enjoy talking as much as being in each other's presence without a word, how you would keep busy with separate things or find any activity to do together.
Remembering the tender moments between the two of you gifted you with a sense of bravery you never had until now. You glanced at the male from the corner of your eyes, your hand reaching out and gently holding his own- almost hesitantly, but you did, and this was something to be proud of. Even if you averted your eyes, you knew his gaze was on you. He was surprised, to say the least; he was always the one to initiate such intimacy. He chose to stay silent to keep you from further embarrassment and decided to answer the sweet touch by lacing your fingers together, his hand holding yours more firmly. If you weren't so unsure about the nature of your relationship, you would say the strength in his grasp was proof of a certain possessiveness towards you.
You really should stop daydreaming.
"I'm guessing books are not a priority good for companies to deliver here, from what you told me."
His sudden attempt at a conversation took you off guard. After a second to gather your thoughts, you nodded, instinctively walking closer to him as you kept your hand in his.
"Yes... We barely get anything new around here, except what's coming from other cities. But it ends up always being the same... It's not like we have many authors on this planet if any author at all."
A soft sigh escaped your lips at your own words. Not living on a highly developed planet had its perks, like quiet and lovely green spaces, but this was one of the cons you wished would change; readers seemed to be few where you lived, which didn't help. However, you were ready to accept your fate if it allowed you to keep the Dathomirian by your side. You liked his company as much as your books, if not more, and you couldn't remember it having happened to you before. You were willing to live a life without new books. Not without Maul.
***
Your favorite big tree never looked so lonely. Your companion warned you he wouldn't be there until dusk, having errands of some sort to run. What was he up to? Was he alright? Was he thinking about you? You shook your head at the last question popping in your mind. Why would he think about you? He was busy. The truth was, you were missing him, terribly so. Although the days became shorter as autumn went by, the afternoon felt like days, weeks even, without him.
You went through your book, page after page. Now that you were used to his presence, to read alone under your tree felt odd. Your thoughts drifted away from time to time, distracted from the story at hand to wander and wonder about the man whose image never left you. You could recall every detail of him: how his eyes were like a bright, never-ending fire, how his red skin was marked by intricate, symmetrical black tattoos, how his horns formed a perfect crown on his head, how the black cloak he always wore seemed to float around him at each of his steps. You remembered the feeling of his arms around you, his strong chest, the way he looked at you or held your hand whenever he had the chance.
You never wanted him to leave you again.
As if hearing your wish, a familiar figure stepped out of the line of trees to walk toward you. You were quick to lift your head and, as your eyes met with his, a wide smile spread on your face. Your favorite bookmark found its way to the page where you stopped reading, the book in your hands carefully placed on the grass as you stood up.
"You came!
- I told you I would be here by dusk. Here I am."
You took some steps to close the distance between the two of you, your arms finding their way around him in a gentle hug. One of his arms wrapped around you in return; after passing by so slowly, the time had stopped, and you were enjoying it to the fullest. After a long, silent embrace, he finally released you- not without keeping your hand in his, of course.
"I went around the system today."
You wished you could do the same. You have always wondered what it would be like to fly away from your native planet, which worlds you would be able to discover; after all, you only knew them through your books, and it wasn't enough.
As you came back to the present, you noticed Maul looking for something in his cloak. What was he doing?
"And I got you something.
- You... got me something?"
The heat rushing to your face was unmistakable. Not only he kept his promise to come back before the sun would set, but he also brought you a gift. You felt so lucky.
Taking the paper bag from him with a shy 'thank you so much', you soon focused on opening your present- only to discover it with wide eyes. It was a book of your favorite genre, one many recommended, also one which was unavailable not only on your planet but on several others as well. It was, so to speak, one of your dream books. You never thought you'd have the opportunity to hold it in your hands, let alone own it.
And he went out of his way to get it for you.
"Maul, this... How did you know? Where did you find it? I'm so happy, I love you- it!! I mean 'it', I love it- not that I don't love you, of course I do, but I mean that's not the point and uhm-"
It dawned on you a second too late. You tried your best to get yourself out of this embarrassing situation without running away but you went deeper and deeper instead, which resulted in you hiding shyly behind the book you just received from Maul. How could you have been so carefree?
"I really should stop rambling, it makes me look even more like an idiot...
- A lovely idiot, then."
You felt his hands get a gentle hold of your wrists, slowly lowering your book away from your face. You were convinced it was at least as red as his at this point. You couldn't bring yourself to look at him in the eye, instead glancing at him every so often; you've missed him, after all, and you were dying to find comfort in the warmth of his gaze.
Knowing it was no use trying to talk about what you said, the Dathomirian came closer to you, one of his hand sliding up your arm to rest on your cheek.
It was the very first time he did anything of the sort. This was a new level of intimacy, and you longed for more. How many times have you dreamed about such proximity with him? About him actually returning your feelings? About him choosing you of all other existing beings to give his heart to?
You were living in a dream. This dream felt too real for you to be asleep, but how could this ever happen? You needed something to make sure this wasn't just a fantasy; and as if reading your thoughts, he provided it without hesitation, leaning towards you before pressing his lips against yours in a careful and tender kiss.
Your first kiss.
This felt just as wonderful as you've read. The loving intimacy in the gentle contact of your lips, how it carried the affection you both had for each other, everything seemed to fall back into place as you found the one you were destined to be with. You weren't just the weird, book-loving person next door; you were the guardian of his heart, and he was the king of yours.
"I never knew..."
Your words, barely audible, lost themselves against Maul's tattooed lips as you kissed again. Were you becoming addicted to it? Probably. At least, this was what the butterflies in your stomach suggested. As you finally parted, you smiled, his hand caressing your cheek a welcomed comfort.
"The book was an incredible present, but this is the most precious gift I've ever been given."
And this was the first time you saw him smile so genuinely.
-------------------------------------------------
THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING SO PATIENT !! I had unexpected problems this week and I didn’t have time to write, but part 3 is up at last ! I hope you’ll like it. I stayed up until 2am to finish it haha, I felt like I owed it to you guys !
I love you all and if you liked it and want to be in the tag list, please let me know ! xo
Tags : @maulieber, @gooseyhouse, @gczanetti1, @noiralei, @catsnkooks, @brilliantbutbatty, @mother-0f-monsters
#reader insert#starwars#star wars#sw#darth maul#darth maul x reader#darth maul x you#star wars reader insert#star wars fanfiction#fanfic#fanfiction#writer#write#gender neutral reader insert#star wars x reader#maul#maul imagine#darth maul x bookworm!reader
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ღ + crystal and tweak?
I could've sworn I posted this already, sorry for the wait! Who’s the first to wake up in the morning: Tweak. They share a bed, and Crystal not only snores, but starfishes in her sleep. He gets woken up one way or another. He’ll let her have the bed to herself and get started on the day - he figures the rest will do her good.
Who’s the one to make breakfast: Tweak likes to cook breakfast. His go-to is eggs scrambled up with whatever veggies they have on hand. Something about whisking eggs and stuff together in a bowl is cathartic. It’s something to focus on so his mind doesn’t wander to… well, everything. More often than not, the smell drags Crystal out into the kitchen, but until then it’s just him and the quiet.
Who’s the one to serve the other breakfast in bed: Tweak did once, after a night where Crystal was up tossing and turning with pain. He figured it’d help, so she didn’t have to try to drag herself all the way into the kitchen. She shoved it off, sending eggs and toast all over the sheets, and snapped that she wasn’t some kinda frail, dying old lady who needed to be babied. He told her to go fuck herself. They haven’t talked about it since, and that was the last time he tried.
Who would suggest a quickie in the morning before work: Crystal would if either of them had jobs. As it is now, she sleepily offers sex as a thank-you for him having cooked breakfast. (She once tried coming on to him as he was cooking, wrapping her arms around him while he was at the stove, but it startled him and everybody got burned with bacon grease.)
Who chooses the movies: Tweak does, since they’re staying at his house and the only movies they have access to are his own. He asks Crystal to pick sometimes, but she’s not usually partial to anything.
Who initiates kissing during the moving, thus distracting the other from the movie all together: They both do, since they get high every time they watch a movie together. Crystal gets cuddly when she’s stoned, and she thinks Tweak is soft and nice and comfortable. If they don’t end up completely zeroed-in on whatever they’re watching, movie night dissolves into making out with popcorn-breath and then escalating from there.
Who orders lunch: Crystal orders, but Tweak pays. Except when Crystal orders and they make a break for it before the bill comes.
Who steals food from the other’s plate without asking: Crystal helps herself, Tweak allows it. They mostly eat food he’s cooked, so it makes him feel happy that she seems to like it so much. He takes from her plate, too, sometimes, but when she objects he reminds her that he’s the one who did all the work. He also gets a sense of what her favorite foods are and which things she’ll pick around, so he eats the stuff she doesn’t like.
Who curls up next to the other and falls asleep due to a full tummy: They’ll both just sit and end up snoozing on each other after a big meal. Crystal’s metabolism slows down a bit while she’s in recovery, and food’s kind of scarce since the whole county’s gone nuts, so when they have enough food for a big meal she tends to overdo it. She turns into a big baby when her stomach starts cramping, and ends up with her head in Tweak’s lap with him stroking her hair. He doesn’t mind.
Who distracts the other from trying to work at home: They take turns bugging each other while they’re busy, but Tweak does it more pointedly than Crystal does. He gets lost in his head easily and sometimes he just needs someone to bounce ideas off of, or just talk at so he can get all his thoughts sorted. It’s not uncommon for Crystal to be minding her business and then Tweak comes bursting in, talking a mile a minute and getting all worked up over something. Sometimes Crystal tries to help talk him through whatever’s got him all jumpy, but sometimes she just stops and listens while he gets it all out of his system.
Who asks to go get ice cream like a five year old: It only happened once, when the pair of them got the munchies and were both elbow-deep in a bag of stale potato chips. They got to talking about all the snack foods they missed that they couldn’t find before the reaping, and Crystal went “You know what I really miss? Ice cream.” They ended up venturing out into the war-torn landscape of Hope County, dodging peggie roadblocks and scouting parties, in search of ice cream. They found an abandoned grocery store that had some cartons left over, but they were just gooey, stinking messes since the freezer had stopped working. Crystal was ready to admit defeat, but Tweak told her not to give up. Two days later they made their way to the newly-retaken outpost of Lorna’s Truck Stop, which still had power, and buried in one of the freezers was a single mini carton of a slightly-freezerburned rocky road. They shared it on the roof and it was the best date Crystal had ever been on.
Who takes pictures of their partner eating ice cream: Neither one of them are sentimental enough for that. But Tweak thinks about how she looked sometimes, up on Lorna’s rooftop under the stars. The icy wind biting her cheeks until they went pink, tousling her wild tangle of curls. She was shivering - they both were, it was too cold out to be eating ice cream - but he could see the way her lips curled in a cocky little smile. She ate greedily, ungracefully, and every time she passed their plastic spoon to him her hands where sticky. The mental picture stuck with him.
Who makes a sexual joke about the dripping ice cream on their partner’s face: Neither, but Tweak has heard what she used to call it when she got ice cream on her face. He thinks it’s funny.
Who cooks dinner: Tweak does all the cooking, always. He likes to cook - he doesn’t think he’s good at it, but cooking is really just chemistry with less risk of acid burns. Crystal loves his cooking, and she tends to hover in the kitchen while he’s doing his thing. At first she tried to help him, and he tried to teach her some little tricks and techniques he’d picked up, but she never had a knack for it. She also ended up always standing right in front of the drawers and cabinets he needed to get to as soon as he needed to get to them. It drove him nuts. Now the most she’s allowed to do is chop the veggies on the kitchen table where she’s not in his way.
Who cleans up the kitchen afterwards: Tweak usually gets around to it after a day or so. Crystal helps dry the dishes and put them back. It’s a little routine they have. They both hate cleaning, but it’s nice to have a routine, even when the routine kind of sucks.
Who stays up until 2 reading: Tweak does every once in a while. A few years ago he drove out of the county to rob a community college bookstore a couple towns over. He’s got some basic textbooks on different types of chemistry - they’re nothing super impressive, but he likes to go over them. He’s also got his comic book and manga stash with him.
Who stares at their partner while their sleeping: When Crystal first came to stay with him, she was still recovering from some gnarly face injuries. The only time she was without her sunglasses would be when she was asleep, and Tweak found himself checking in on her from time to time. When he catches his gaze lingering too long, he feels weird about it. It seems unfair since she can’t do the same to him. And in general it just makes him feel like some kinda creep. He just thinks she’s really pretty.
Who kisses their partner while they sleep: Some mornings Crystal will roll over, half-asleep, and give him a lazy kiss. Sometimes she’s tired and thinks he’s someone else, but sometimes it’s on purpose.
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Thoughts on the Six of Crows Duology
Maybe it’s because this took place over a much shorter timespan than Shadow and Bone, but I feel like I could pinpoint all the plot points and the timelines of Shadow and Bone better than I can for Six of Crows. When I made my post about SaB, it was easier to remember the order that everything happened. I think that because SoC has multiple chapters covering the same period time from different characters’ perspectives along with lots of flashbacks thrown in, that it’s causing the order of events to be a jumble in my mind.
But anyway, Six of Crows was a dramatic and fun (well... not fun..) heist novel, while Crooked Kingdom made it its personal mission to destroy me emotionally. I loved every second of it but I don’t know when I’ll properly recover.
Obvious spoilers for Six of Crows trilogy, but also the Grishaverse in general. (Most of this was written at the end of June but not posted until now)
So I guess I’ll start with Six of Crows. Maybe I’ll do a paragraph for each part... I’ll probably give up on that pretty quickly but we’ll see.
I love that the series has Inej’s POV be the first of the Crows that we get and then she also gets to be the last POV of the Crows too. If I hadn’t seen season 1 of Shadow and Bone first, I’m not sure how I’d have reacted to Kaz’s ruthlessness or the world of Ketterdam in general. I also knew that the Kanej relationship would be insane amounts of pining and the pain of requited-but-thought-to-be-unrequited love, so I was sort of shocked that in one of the first chapters Kaz changes clothes with Inej in the room and she ponders “Am I the only one he lets get this close?” And he says in that same chapter “my darling Inej, treasure of my heart...” I was like, I know he’s probably teasing but oh my god... we’re just going right into it. Leigh’s teasing us already. I knew then it would be torture. Moving on. Matthais killing a wolf hurt my soul and I wasn’t even aware that the wolves were THAT sacred to Fjerdans. And I guess maybe I shouldn’t have watched the show first since Matthais trying to choke Nina did not shock me.
I give up on this one paragraph per part thing already.
Something I did not expect was Jesper sort of having a crush on Kaz too. Did I just not notice that in the show or did they decide to leave that out? I guess I shouldn’t be shocked but still, reading about Jesper’s little tiny thoughts of jealousy was interesting. Inez’s thoughts of how much she hated that her heart’s arrow seemed to aim for Kaz when nothing can ever come of it hurt me. AHHH and idiot Kaz saying “I always come back for my investments” to Inej when he’s carrying her just.. this idiot. Did he ever even say “I’m sorry” at some point in the books? I can’t remember, it’s a blur of emotions. Kaz, sweetheart, you’re CARRYING Inej, you can barely stand having someone touch your sleeve and you’re CARRYING her. How could Inej even question that he cared about her more than just being another investment if he carried her to safety? How could you question it if he feels comfortable enough to undress around you? The boy’s dumb, listen to his actions not the stupid words he says.
It’s funny, while double checking how many more Grisha books remained as I walked to my bookstore a few days ago to pick up Nikolai’s books, I saw on Leigh’s website that she has another book called The Ninth House. And it said “While the books of the Grishaverse can be safely explored by readers of any age, Ninth House is darker, more graphic, and intended for adults.”
...
Ok Leigh. Tell me in what world would the scene where Kaz stabs and pulls out the eye of Oomen then throws him overboard be considered a scene that can be “safely explored by readers of any age”?? That was a lot. I wasn’t expecting that level of personal violence this early. I was just as horrified as Wylan and Matthais were when they witnessed it.
Anyway. Nina wishing for one more day of Healer training back in the Little Palace hurt. Looking back through the book just now I laughed at Nina saying to Jesper, of all people, “Do you know how to find a Grisha who doesn’t want to be found?” I have so many thoughts about Jesper that I will have to save for later. And Matthais’ “I might have loved you too.” felt like a stab to my heart. Honestly I know I said earlier that Crooked Kingdom ruined me, but I guess SoC did too and I just forgot about it all until just now because Crooked Kingdom turned it up to another level.
The friendships they all have. I almost wish they never needed to leave that boat. Nina and Inej were adorable when Nina sang for her. Jasper and Inej bonding over questioning why they still follow (and love) Kaz while also knowing neither of them ever want to stop was amazing. Throw in Kaz thinking “Because I’ve been looking for an excuse to talk to you for two days” about Inej and it’s just a recipe for making Hope emotional.
People had told me the Nina and Matthais scenes of SaB season 1 were pulled straight from Six of Crow’s flashbacks, and they were not lying. A few differences here and there but it’s pretty accurate. I think the show’s pacing for those scenes was off though, sometimes it felt rushed and other times it felt too drawn out (especially since I had no clue how these two would fit into everything because I hadn’t read the books yet). Reading the scenes made me appreciate what they’d been through much more. And I do like how the show adapted the reason that Nina turned Matthais in as a slaver.
Slowly having Kaz and Jordie’s backstory unfold was traumatizing. I had wondered what made him so touch averse, and now I get it. What Kaz went through was terrible. I could barely read the words because it was so painful. Inej being so understanding while not knowing everything that happened, just knowing that Kaz needs her to not judge him for fainting or recoiling from touch, was beautiful.
The reveal that Jesper was a Grisha was sort of spoiled for me because 1) in the show one of the Heartrenders said “What are you? You’re a-” to him so that was a big hint. And 2) a YouTube comment I saw confirmed that that line referenced that he was Grisha. This is a trend, YouTube comments have spoiled me multiple times over the last 2 months. You’d think I’d learn, but nope, I just got spoiled for Rule of Wolves not even an hour ago because of a YouTube comment. I thought I was finally safe to watch SoC videos since I wouldn’t be spoiled. I forgot that people can discuss the other books too. Anyway, Jesper being a Fabrikator is a dream come true since that’d be my ideal Grisha power. Even though I knew it was coming, I still was sort of surprised by the way it was revealed, so I’m sure that it came as a shock to readers who avoid spoilers, unlike me.
The entire heist in the Ice Court caused me constant anxiety. How in the world could everything go so wrong in so many different ways and still work out? I felt like every single page there was some new blindside and yet the Crows (but mostly Kaz) managed to figure out a way out of it. I really didn’t think that it’d start to go wrong as early as it did with literally the first very first steps of the plan failing. Nina and Kaz searching the cells and getting caught, Inej finding out that the chimney was hot and ended up melting her shoes (I was so especially mad about the shoes being ruined). I was very surprised that Kaz was as reckless as he was to detour and find Rollins. It felt out of character, but proved how deep his hatred is if he nearly risked the entire reward just to make sure that he still has the chance to get revenge on Rollins later.
Nina and Inej pretending to be with the Menagerie was insane. Inej’s internal freak out when Heleen recognized her made me feel so scared for her, but I was 20 times more scared for Nina with Brum. Those few moments where I thought Matthais really had betrayed the Crows and sold them out to Brum made me so mad. I knew deep down it had to be a bluff to get Brum out of the way, but I was still scared it was real. God, I felt so much relief when Matthais let her out, they found Kuwei, and Kaz got them all out through the Sacred Ash.
The stealing and driving of the tank was borderline ridiculous, but I was just happy to be along for the ride. Nina using the parem though... and the pain she went through afterwards while in withdrawal. God that hurt me. I couldn’t even be remotely happy at Kaz admitting he wants Inej because I was so worried about Nina. I literally was like “Kaz shut up about your feelings, Nina’s body is literally falling apart in the other room.”
I should have seen it coming that the Van Eck deal was too good to be true, and yet I was still blindsided by the attack and the kidnapping of Inej. And then going straight into a chapter narrated by Pekka Rollins was like whiplash, but I just went with it. I didn’t really realize how strange it was to get Pekka’s POV, but I didn’t care because I saw all the remaining pages and wanted to see how they’d save Inej. Then that chapter ended and on the next page I read the words “I have a degenerative condition...” I was confused by the sudden use of first person, and realized I was at the Acknowledgements, which meant the book was done.
I looked from the last page, back to the acknowledgements, and back to the last page, then I literally said “WHAT” out loud as it hit me that the book had ended with the worst cliffhanger I think I’ve ever experienced. I legitimately tossed the book to the floor after I came to terms with the fact that book was done. I was so mad.
Onto Crooked Kingdom! Boy did I not know what I was in for. I thought I did. I knew Chapter 40 was coming but instead I got an entire book of emotional destruction.
First of all, I love maps. So I was very glad to get a detailed map of Ketterdam with streets! And actual places! I probably stared at it and studied it for 5 minutes straight before even reading the book. The more detailed a map is, the happier I am. This map made me very happy.
The biggest takeaway of the first section of Crooked Kingdom is that Inej still believes that Kaz only cares for her as an investment. Breaks my heart. But also, Kaz traumatizing a little girl in the first few chapters makes you wonder if he even deserves Inej (he does, but wow is he ruthless. He didn’t kill the kid at least I guess).
Colm. I have thoughts about Colm. He’s such a loving father. I will say more later when it’s more relevant. I loved that the rest of the Crows came to Jesper’s defense to create a lie for his dad, and that Colm adopted all of the kids. I can’t even read the word Colm without wanting to sob so I’ll stop with him for now.
I don’t know how I feel about us, as the readers, being left out of pieces of the plan. I’m not sure if this is something I love or hate about the way that Leigh writes the Crows novels. It’s fun for plot twists and usually does make sense when it’s from the POV of a character that Kaz purposefully leaves out of part of a plan, but that doesn’t always end up being the case. The Alys kidnapping was a complete blindside to me. Matthais sharing the chocolates he bought for Nina with Alys was sweet though, that he wants Nina to eat again so much that he’s ok with it just being sweets. I feel so bad that Nina can’t even eat that.
The Goedmedbridge plan with all the fake Mister Crimsons was an actual stroke of genius, if only the Shu didn’t come out of nowhere. Once again, everything going wrong yet the Crows finding their way out of it somehow. While Six of Crows felt like everything was going to plan until it wasn’t and then they were able to get back on track in a different way, Crooked Kingdom felt like constant blockages and blindsides and conflicts that came out of nowhere. The story and the plan and the plot changed so many times that it felt like I was on a roller coaster getting whiplash.
I’m scanning Part 3 and honestly, this feels like it all happened 5 minutes ago not like it was in the first half of the book. But oh my god, the line after Kaz and Inej stakeout the Van Eck house. “I would come for you. And if I couldn’t walk, I’d crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we’d fight our way out together – knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that’s what we do. We never stop fighting.” Inej, my girl, how in the world do you think this boy doesn’t care about you? Oh my god... oh my god... I’d die if someone said something like that to me. Kaz, sweetheart, love, sometimes you say the stupidest things, but then other times you say the most violently romantic things I’ve ever heard.
And then Matthais saying Nina looked “Enchanting” in the Fjerdan clothing? This was just chapter after chapter of me squealing. And honestly, once again, meeting Zoya in the tavern feels like it happened in Part 5 not Part 3. I read this book so quickly that I really can’t remember the order of events until now that I’m scanning it.
I’m really glad that we got more of Wylan’s backstory and got to meet his mom. I wish he could have been better prepared for that, but there was no way. Hearing about Matthais’ wolf Trassel was the perfect thing to start breaking my heart. I said this last time with Hershaw and Oncat, I’m more sad when a pet is left behind by their dead/missing owner than when the pet themselves die. I nearly sobbed when Matthais thought about how Trassel must have been abandoned by the other Druseklle when he disappeared.
Matthais, Jesper, and Kuwei half-theorizing an antidote for parem was amazing. Also I love that Matthais is the one who kind of guesses that Jesper’s restlessness is the effect from him not using his power regularly. Matthais, you really had a knack for understanding the Grisha.
Ok. Here we go. Jesper’s backstory. When I found out that Jesper was half Kaelish and half Zemeni, I was beyond overjoyed. I am half Black half Irish, with the same parentage as Jesper, so that representation made me happy. I didn’t expect to shed tears though when we finally got his backstory and to get to know his parents a little. The love that his mom and dad had for each other was absolutely beautiful. The fact that Aditi died while trying to save a little girl hurt me so much. Jesper wondered if he had been older and more trained would he have saved her, but honestly, he probably would have just put the poison in himself and died instead. Colm saying “She was a queen, Jes. She was our queen” tore out my heart. The way that Jesper and Colm had to look after each other after that. Jesper trying to cook and burning the food but Colm still eating every bit. Them just having to try to be ok after losing her, and Jesper knowing he wasn’t meant for this life on the farm. All of it continued to tear my heart straight out of my chest and stomp on it.
Guys I’m legitimately tearing up all over again. I had to fight to not be a mess reading it the first time and I still shed some tears over it. This is why I can’t even type Colm’s name without letting out a sob. He loves his son and his wife so much. He always wanted what was best and was constantly worried for them because they’re Grisha. They’re Zowa. I couldn’t handle Jesper’s backstory. And every single interaction Colm and Jesper had after I read what they went through, I’d let out a sob or even shed a tear. I loved their relationship and the love they have for each other so much.
Everything going wrong in a billion different ways at once honestly made me go “Come on not AGAIN.” Dunyasha coming out of nowhere, Pekka Rollins sabotaging Kaz, the other Lions ambushing the Black Veil. It was honestly a miracle that they all got out of it. I was especially, ESPECIALLY, proud of Matthais coaching Kuwei and Jesper on how to use their powers to get them out of the situation. This boy went from killing Grisha, to helping lead them. This character development is amazing. And he’s still internally fighting the part of him that says “Unnatural” and is making the choice to ignore the hate that was trained into him. I love him.
Nina’s zombies though. At first I was like “Oh haha she can control bones, that’s fun” when she blew up the tavern windows, but that turned morbid, literally morbid, very quickly. Animating corpses. I mean. It’s a great power to have honestly. Disgusting and horrifying, but very useful.
“What do you think my forgiveness looks like, Jordie?” “Who the hell is Jordie?” When I say I gasped and my jaw dropped at that part... Literally, I couldn’t move past that line for at least 30 seconds. I just stared at the page and reread those two lines over and over again because I could not believe Kaz really slipped up like that. But also, oh my god, the implications of how much Kaz cares about Jesper if he’s mixing him up subconsciously with his brother, the brother who literally is the reason he has fought to become the feared gang leader he is and to bring down Rollins. He called Jesper Jordie. I still cannot believe it. And the way Kaz’s face looked frightened... I’m so excited to see this scene in the TV show.
Ok, home stretch.
Jesper and Colm finally clearing the air was yet another scene that made me shed tears over these two. The way that we found out that Colm didn’t want Jesper to go to be trained but gave him the choice anyway, and that Jesper didn’t go because he didn’t want to leave his father behind. God, my heart would have just broken if he’d left Colm behind. Oh no I’m going to start crying again. “His heart hurt. His head hurt. Guilt and love and resentment were all tangled up inside him, and every time he tried to unravel the knot in his gut, it got worse.” I felt that. I hate that after all of that, the conversation didn’t even get to get to end on good terms. Colm still doesn’t want him to use his power because of what happened to his mother, and Jasper says “I’m dying anyway, Da. I’m just doing it slow.” and it absolutely destroyed me. It’s like they put my heart back in my chest, only to rip it out again and shred it this time.
And then of course that led to Jesper kissing Kuwei instead of Wylan, which brings up some messy dubious consent stuff. I thought it was a little out of nowhere, but then I remembered the Kuwei did complain earlier “Why do you keep looking at him? I look just like him. You can look at me.” At that time, that complaint seemed strange, but it made sense when this kiss happened that Kuwei liked Jesper too.
But who even cares about Jesper and Wylan and Kuwei having some sort of love triangle, when the bathroom scene is coming up for Inej and Kaz. I don’t mean to push Jesper and Wylan’s relationship woes to the side, but oh my god. I swear, I was holding my breath while reading this bathroom scene. I felt like I was personally interrupting their moment every second that I was reading it, but also I needed to keep reading to see what would happen. Every touch was as nerve-wracking for me as it was for Kaz (ok maybe not, but still). And after all of that, after Kaz tells her the horrible things he did to the people who were in on Rollins’ plot that killed Jordie, she still sees the good in him. I cannot handle these two. Oh my god. These two are on a completely different level of pining. “If you ever cared about me at all, don’t follow.” Poor Inej, having to go from that intimate moment to watching Kaz be beaten and somehow win a fight with 20 people.
Sturmhond showing up made my life. The moment I read the words “fox-faced man” my whole body perked up. I was like “Hope. Don’t get too excited. Yes it’s probably him, but don’t get excited.” but when Kaz recognized him I actually squealed at the confirmation. Nikolai owns my heart. And so does Jesper now. So the little bit of dialogue those two shared made me actually kick my feet with joy. “Take me with you.” Honestly, these two together for a period of time longer than 1 minute would probably make the world explode. But oh, what I’d give for a Jesper and Nikolai buddy comedy...
When Leigh let us believe that everything was going wrong in the plan (Wylan telling Van Eck everything, the fake Council of Tides crashing the auction, Inez saying Kuwei has to die) only for us to find out that it was all really a part of the plan was just plain cruel. I was so upset. I guess it’s fitting, after all the things that really went wrong for them, they had to take a little bit more. But this is one of the few times that we the reader are completely left out of the plan, and it’s not just because we’re following the POV of someone who was left out of whatever specific part of the plan didn’t involve them. This time all the characters knew, but Leigh didn’t tell the reader.
The way that Van Eck’s story and lies all just fell apart bit by bit was beautiful, though. Masterful. Kaz pretending to take Rollins’ son was almost cruel, but he was lying, so it’s ok. I was going to be horrified if he really did it though, but I was also thinking “When would he have had time to do all that anyway?”
Chapter 38. I had been spoiled before even starting the books that Matthais would die. And I had seen a YouTube comment that said “I can’t wait to see Nina and Matthais’ actors do Chapter 40.” I assumed his death happens in Chapter 40. So when I started Chapter 38, I assumed this would be the last time I’d read a chapter in Matthais’ POV. I was wrong of course.
But Matthais’ death gave me nearly the same feelings that Owen Harper’s first death in Torchwood did. It came out of nowhere, right when you think everything is solved and all that’s left to do is go home. Our beloved character talks calmly to the person with the gun, relates to them, tells them they’re more reasonable than to shoot, and then gets shot point blank anyway out of nowhere. “You don’t want to hurt me. I know. I was like you once.” is what Matthais said. “We’re both rational men, scientists. I know you don’t want to shoot her.” is what Owen said as he protected Martha. The main difference is that I wasn’t spoiled for Owen’s death, so it really blindsided me, but he also got revived shortly after. I was spoiled for Matthais’ death right down to the chapter it happens in, but his death was finite.
And then I think we’re about to lose Kuwei, but Zoya’s able to save him. Matthais shows up, gives us a little hope that he might be ok (but I knew he wouldn’t), and dies in Nina’s arms. Nina attempting to resurrect him ALSO gave me Owen vibes, right down to the black eyes, but that resurrection didn’t stick. God. If I had known Matthais’ death would be so similar to Owen’s... no, I don’t know what I’d do. I can’t tell if I’d have been better off knowing how much it would remind me of Owen ahead of time. Maybe it’s better I didn’t know of the similarities since that made the death worse, despite me knowing it was coming.
Chapter 40 still being in Matthais’ POV, right when I had come to terms ahead of time that Chapter 38 would be the last time I read his narration, came as a real shock. He’s with the wolves in heaven. Ahhhhh. Help. The friends not even knowing how he died makes it even worse.
“We were all supposed to make it.” That’s when I started to let tears fall. I’d really been fighting it. I was like “Hope. You knew this was coming when you started this series. You are fine. You’re fine.” and then Wylan says that and I’m like “I’m not remotely fine.” And Colm telling them to say their goodbyes, and Colm being himself and making me cry with every other line he said anyway, just made more tears fall as they walked up and said goodbye.
I’m glad Nina got Matthais’ share of the money. It breaks my heart that she now has to go and bury him. I’m excited to see what she does in King of Scars or Rule of Wolves (or both, I know she’s in at least one of them) since she’ll hopefully keep up Matthais’ dream of helping the Fjerdans accept Grisha. I was beyond proud of Jesper to be like “I shouldn’t hold that much money right now” and Kaz saying “That’s the right move, Jes” in approval. And of course, Colm and Jesper saying goodbye did nothing but make me cry MORE.
And here we go. The chapter that made me actually cry. Before this, it was just shedding tears and choking a sob or two. Inej’s final chapter made me actually sob and cry so hard that I could barely read the pages through the tears. Kaz really bought her a boat and named it after her. “I don’t know what to say.” “Say you’ll return.” just tear my heart out please.
But what really got the waterworks going was Kaz having Nikolai find Inej’s parents for her. God. The last time a book made me happy cry was The Color Purple, and it was a similar situation. Celie’s sister Nettie returns to her, and I had to fight not to cry when I finished that book while on the train. When I saw the musical version on broadway a few months later, I sobbed so hard with happiness that I cried through the finale, through the curtain call, and kept crying as I walked up the aisle and out the theater. I couldn’t handle how happy I was.
Inej being reuinited with her parents was Celie and Nettie all over again. Now that is some HIGH praise. The Color Purple is one of my favorite books. I cannot give any higher praise to Crooked Kingdom than to compare Inej’s reunion to Celie’s.
And Kaz being a little concerned that he’d overstepped by doing it, then Inej insisting he come to meet them too was adorable. “Is my tie straight?” And her mom’s shock at finally seeing her daughter again, oh my god. I read this in bed last night at 3am. When that chapter finished, I put the book on my chest and just lied there and sobbed for a full minute. I couldn’t stop right away like I managed to do for the other cries. This cry had to come out and it had to take at least a little bit of time to run its course.
Of course, I’m glad that Inej got to ensure that Rollins never returns to Ketterdam, and I get that having Pekka have the last chapter is a parallel to Six of Crows, but I almost wish the book had just ended when Inej found her family.
I am at 4600 words and still not done, but it’s 2am so I’ll add more thoughts tomorrow evening.
...
That was all from late June. Fast forward almost a month, I’m finally adding to this post.
Something I was worried about when I first started reading Six of Crows was that there was colorism when casting Jesper. Reading that he was described as dark skinned and then looking at Kit Young, I felt a little bit... iffy about it. Because I know, as a mixed person, we get a lot of privilege in Hollywood and are often the only Black people in tv-shows and movies. We benefit from colorism, especially when it comes to mixed women, since light to medium skinned Black actors are often cast instead of dark skinned actors. I spent most of Six of Crows worried that they’d taken the Zemeni character of Jesper, who also happens to be the only Black character, and casted him with a mixed actor. I could tell while reading the book that Kit had played Jesper perfectly, which made me feel a little better, but I still had a bit of discomfort. I was worried it was Rue in the Hunger Games all over again.
However, once it’s hinted that Jesper’s father has some Kaelish heritage, and then we later meet Colm and he’s fully Kaelish with light skin and red hair, I felt much better. I actually felt overjoyed because Jesper was mixed exactly like me. I was relieved that casting Jesper with a mixed actor was not colorism, but a requirement for his character in order to be accurate. I was so relieved and also now I fiercely clung to Jesper as another example of representation for me. On that note, maybe they could have casted him with a darker skinned mixed actor, someone like Alfred Enoch for example, just to give dark skinned mixed people some more representation since Jesper is described as dark and Kit’s skintone is medium. But then again, Kit was definitely the perfect choice since he completely captured Jesper’s character and he said he really identified with Jesper’s mixed heritage being like his own. Basically, I’m very happy that Jesper is a mixed character played by a mixed race actor, and not another example of pure colorism in Hollywood (though that’s still a major issue). I really can’t even complain. I love Jesper and I love Kit’s portrayal.
Honestly, the casting in general for the show was really perfect. I might be biased since I saw the show first, but reading the book I was shocked at how perfectly cast they all were.
I am concerned though about Wylan. He is going to be very hard to cast. Or more accurately, Kuwei’s actor will be tough to cast and will have a very difficult job portraying 2 characters at once. And then I guess whoever gets cast as normal Wylan will have to just deal with barely appearing in Crooked Kingdom. Also, as for Wylan changing race to be disguised as Kuwei... I had some mixed feelings about it at first. I really was like “Leigh... what are you doing with this... be careful...” But then Wylan’s narrative showed him being unsure how to navigate the world looking like he’s Shu, having people come up to him speaking a language he doesn’t speak, and being treated differently because he looks foreign to them, especially since the Shu who were in Ketterdam didn’t have the best intentions. I appreciated that. I like that it opened Wylan’s eyes a bit more because he’d been so sheltered his whole life. Even after living in the Barrel and joining the Crows, there were still things he needed to be exposed to, like racism. So I’m glad the story went in that direction with his tailored face. I’m honestly more excited to see who is cast as Kuwei than who is cast as Wylan because Kuwei’s actor is going to have the more interesting performance.
I REALLY enjoyed the Six of Crows duology. I sped through the two books in about 3 weeks (I think I read Crooked Kingdom in probably only a week). Honestly, I’m not speeding through King of Scars that same way. It’s a combination of my work life being very chaotic for the last few weeks, and me being so devastated that Nikolai’s back to having the shadow monster that I almost don’t want to read on. I was beyond devastated when that happened in Ruin and Rising, I thought he’d never be ok again, then I was relieved when it went away. Now that it’s back... I’m just incredibly sad every second that I read this book. I’m nearly halfway through the book though, after the same amount of time it took me to read both Crows books, so we’ll see where it goes.
But I could not put the Crows books down while I read them if you paid me. Literally. I read during every single lunch break at work and was probably a few minutes late coming back because I’d want to finish the page. I stayed up late reading and reading and reading the books. I read on the ferry, I read in the car, I read during times that I’d usually spend watching TV shows or movies. These books were amazing. They destroyed me emotionally, in both happy and sad ways. I can’t get over them. I can’t wait to see them brought to life in the show.
#six of crows#crooked kingdom#grishaverse#shadow and bone#help this post is literally 5800 words i couldn't stop writing#posting now before it sits in my drafts for another 3 weeks
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Reaction to ‘Wizards’
There were some elements of Wizards that I was quite pleased with and others I found disappointing.
Here are some notes I took while watching it:
“I was busy,” says the guy who was ASLEEP.
Cuckoo clock in bookstore looks like Bular’s head.
Green Knight can teleport, confirming potential parallel character to Angor Rot and Tronos Madu, both yellow-eyed assassins with teleportation and tragic backstories (later confirmed, yes, there are parallels between this character and those two besides the visual one)
Jim always tips at the cafe; yup, that sounds like Jim
Gunmar saving Jim: irony. Is Jim going to go to the Gumm-Gumm camp now?
Confirmation that portrait was Arthur and Guinevere and she is “gone”, presumably by magic or killed by a troll - is she dead or did she just leave? (Later confirmed, dead)
Morgana’s name is carved on the tree under Arthur’s and Guinevere’s - was she in love with Guinevere too?
Is that Nari with Morgana and Guinevere? (Later confirmed, yes)
Stone doll Callista finds looks like Angor’s totems - same village? He said it was “Gunmar’s war” that destroyed it, and she says it was a human attack, but Angor might’ve seen it as a retaliatory attack by the humans which Gunmar’s actions had provoked?
Arthur being the one to cut off Morgana’s hand makes Merlin SLIGHTLY less of an asshole for using it in the Amulet, but a lot of this still could’ve been avoided if Merlin had been willing to shut up and listen.
Oh, except it wasn’t Arthur who cut off Morgana’s hand the first time anyway?
Episode 3 ends without Steve getting knocked on his back, so that scene must’ve been his sparring match with Lancelot in Episode 2 instead of keeping it an Episode 3 tradition (like how Zuko and Iroh hug in Episode 18 of each season of Avatar the Last Airbender)
Why would Douxie be grossed out at the idea of swimming naked? Swimsuits have only been around for, what, 80 years? Presumably it was a specific lack of desire to see Steve naked.
Neat take on the Lady of the Lake.
AAARRRGGHH used to have a triple set of horns - what happened to the other two? Receded, amputated, knocked off? Also, Gunmar says AAARRRGGHH is ‘holding back’ when they spar and has yet to win against him - if AAARRRGGHH was doing that on purpose, this supports my theory that he was debating how safe it was to stay on Gunmar’s side for some time before deserting.
Morgana possessed?
Angor Rot saved Morgana/recovers her body and gives a funerary-sounding blessing, showing he was sympathetic to humans before losing his soul
Oh, and Nari gave her the new hand
Wait, so who steals Angor’s soul in this timeline?
Called it on that servant guy being a Changeling - he appears in the background of, like, every scene that episode where they’re talking about Morgana using unexpected strategies to sneak into Camelot.
Wait, except his human form is an adult - so is he a polymorph? Or Familiars can be taken as adults but babies are easier to contain and have less ‘established personality’ to match after replacing them? Or has Morgana already been creating Changelings? AAARRRGGHH calls Jim “impure” when they meet in Dwoza, suggesting Gumm-Gumms already know what Changelings are, except Morgana wasn’t working with them yet
Is Callista going to be Deya? (Later confirmed, yes)
Show seems to be matching up with old theories about Deya being the first Trollhunter, confirming that the show, comics, and novels are all separate continuities (since comics and novels show pre-Deya Trollhunters).
Gumm-Gumm berserkers - mind-controlled or grit-shaka’d (talisman of “no fear”), to throw themselves into sunlight like that?
Steve seems ready to refer to any half-decent older man as his dad, like when he refers to Merlin as ‘Wizard-Dad’. Maybe it’s because I was watching Brooklyn 99 recently but I’m reminded of Jake Peralta.
Big Jim’s crystal neck protrusions look like Strickler’s knife collar back when I thought that was part of his body. Glowy lines look like Gunmar; tie-in to Gunmar born of a “corrupted Heartstone” since Jim is “corrupted” now?
Aw, Krel called Ricky his dad.
How did AAARRRGGHH fit through the HexTech door to the backroom?
“Cat and mouse” line cuts to a shot of Archie obviously imitating Nari (confirmed a few minutes later)
Toby has obviously seen Ghostbusters. “When someone asks you if you are a god, you say YES!”
Decoration in bookshop looks like Angor’s head.
Was that lightshow of Nari searching the world for Jim’s soul just a visual metaphor for her powers or did literally everyone on Earth see that?
“There’s a force neither of us can escape - gravity!” says the woman who can fly.
Morgana’s occasional echo-y voice in Trollhunters matches Bellroc and Skael - possession/magical-influence related?
So did Merlin have that book on him or did his body turn into the book?
Are all dragons fluffy and/or shapeshifters in this universe?
Might’ve been smarter to keep Merlin’s staff intact and destroy the Grimoire so the Arcane Order never knows where to find the Genesis Seals, just saying.
If Morgana didn’t become “the Eldritch Queen” until, like, IMMEDIATELY before Angor approached her (therefore days earlier at most in the unaltered timeline), how had he heard of her to seek her aid? Was he actually reaching out to the Arcane Order? At least this explains why he didn’t go to the Trollhunter for help - there was no Trollhunter to approach yet.
Big Jim ‘dies’ in the same pose as AAARRRGGHH in Trollhunters Season 1 and Draal in Unbecoming, both false death scenes, for five-second foreshadowing Jim was alive.
Mixed feelings about him being human again - like I’ve said, I didn’t think the Troll Jim subplot was well-executed but I also felt like, now that it’s been established, the show needs to stick with it. Since everything’s over I’m going to headcanon Jim having shapeshifting powers now and being able to switch between human and troll at will, he just didn’t think to try to do so on-camera.
Also, I feel like Jim’s relationship with Claire is once again completely overshadowing his relationship with Toby, instead of them being different kinds of relationships with equal weight.
Barbara is going to be pretty shocked when her human son shows up again. She and Strickler don’t appear at all in this series, even in cameo.
Maybe Jim’s not a troll anymore because, with Merlin and Morgana both dead, their magic is “broken” and that’s what was holding his transformation in place? Merlin’s through the potion, Morgana’s through the Changeling femur, both through the Amulet.
Is Jim still going back to New Jersey? Blinky’s got to, unless the trolls there have elected a new leader or they’re bringing the New Jersey Heartstone back to Arcadia.
Series ending scene also would work as the final scene of a movie, setting up a sequel hook even though it’s supposed to be over now.
Seems like wizards are long-lived and age really slowly? Possibly a “will not die but can be killed” situation, like vampires, or unicorns (at least in The Last Unicorn)
Additional thoughts after finishing the show and thinking for a while:
I don’t get how Morgana could end up with such a reputation among trolls - enough to have superstitions about her, seen when Dictatious objects to Usurna saying her name - when they only interacted with her for like a few days at most. I guess she made a pretty strong impression on Gunmar, who passed that on to everyone else? Or maybe she cultivated that reputation over time via the Changelings?
Speaking of the Changelings, does this mean that, while Morgana designed the process to create them, she doesn’t make each individual one? Otherwise she would’ve had to pre-make a bunch in the time between getting her new hand and being trapped in the Heartstone. Although, if she can steal Angor’s soul remotely (with the idea she was already trapped in the Heartstone when that happened), she can probably also make Changelings remotely.
I’m kind of sorry the Changelings got invented so quickly; I figured there would be some trial-and-error to that process.
How I think the Original Timeline went:
Morgana would’ve turned to the Arcane Order seeking magic allies, later in the day that gets changed when the time-travelers arrive. Possibly she seeks out Nari, specifically, remembering her from childhood.
Merlin then sees Morgana as the Future Threat and he or one of the knights (not Arthur) cut off her hand in the resulting fight.
Merlin makes the Amulet. It chooses Callista, who is still in Camelot’s dungeon at the time, and she agrees to fight Gunmar in exchange for her freedom.
She fully intending to go back on the deal and run for it, but then something-something-something and she learns her original name and saves the world anyway. Probably she’s the one who took down and imprisoned AAARRRGGHH in Dwoza, which inspired the other trolls there to follow her.
Morgana finds out about the Trollhunter shortly before Angor arrives to ask her for magic, which is why she orders him to hunt the Trollhunters down.
Arthur thinks Merlin killed Morgana and wants to avenge her, leading him to the Arcane Order for the original not-time-loop-prompted attack.
Show did a good job establishing and developing Douxie’s relationship with Merlin
Also, how did that bookshop end up a center of Merlin’s power? He’s only been in the modern world for a few months. Did he set a shop up off-camera while the trolls were travelling to New Jersey and the Akiridions were discovering Earth?
How did Ricky Blank lose his head, anyway? Can Hex Tech fix him? Krel says magic and Akiridion tech combine harmoniously.
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i turn to paths that lead home; viii
Chapter 8: who do you think you are?
rating: its a gen fic for The Umbrella Academy
words:1.6k
chapter:8/?
warnings: nothing atypical for the umbrella academy, spoilers for season 2
AO3
a/n: many many many thanks to my discord friends who were a big help with creating and editing this @NightingaleComics @viridescentshade @cbuugdrama9 on ao3 @boardwalk-absurdist @3ternalslumber on tumblr
Summary: Luther held Vanya a little tighter, refusing to let her go. It changed the game and made all the difference.
First || Previous
summary: enter diego, stage left
After they had signed all the paperwork, Vanya and Luther were shown to a bland room. It contained only a table and three chairs plus the guard that showed them in.
It was minutes later that the man was shoved through the door. He was turned toward the new guard, the one that escorted him in, and hadn’t yet seen them.
“Fuck you. When I get out of here, I'm coming for you. I’m-”
“Shut up or I'll put you in solitary.” The man finally turned around and the look on his face was...angry. There were other nuances to it but anger was the one most present.
“Son of a bitch. You two?”
“So you know us?” The words slipped out of Vanya’s mouth before she could stop them and it startled the man. He jerked back into his seat but the menace coming from him slowed.
“What do you mean?”
Vanya and Luther shared a look but eventually responded to the man, “We were in an accident over a year ago. Head trauma. We’re slowly gaining memories back but we still don’t know a lot.”
“You knew me.”
“We recognized you. One of the earliest memories we got back was of seven of us in a circle on a stage.”
“Seven?”
“The three of us, a young boy in a school uniform, a woman in a leather jacket, a man with tattooed palms, and a blue man.”
“Yeah, that’s all of- A blue man?”
“He was wearing a leather jacket and pants but he was see-through and blue. Sometimes he has tentacles.”
“Ben?”
“His name is Ben?”
“A man with tentacles coming out of his stomach? Yeah, that’s Ben.”
“And you?”
He paused thoughtfully, peering at them through hard eyes, but he nodded and introduced himself, “Diego Hargreeves. Number Two.”
“Number Two? Did he name us based on our age or something?”
Diego went to respond but slowed his words and whistled slightly through his teeth when he caught sight of the guards in the corner of the room.
“Something like that. Listen, we don’t have much time left. But I’m gonna get out soon.”
“We can give you our number? So you can call us when you get out.”
“You somewhere safe, then?”
“On a farm.”
A shocked laugh burst out of Diego’s chest but it cut off when he saw their faces, “oh you weren’t joking were you?”
“Nope.”
“Ok — give me the number and I’ll call you. My first evaluation is coming up — and I’ll pass it.”
Vanya didn’t think it would be that easy but the look in his eyes told her Diego would pass. She and Luther stood up after Diego repeated the farm’s phone number back to them. She didn’t know if she should go for a hug or not so she just watched Diego strut out of the room.
She didn’t know what to think about Diego and based on the complicated look on Luther’s face, he thought the same.
~~
It was as they were on their way home when Vanya realized that they never got the other names.
~~
Diego hit the wall harshly. He was expecting it but he still bit his lip when he impacted. He knew the tone he had taken with the guards would come back to bite him but it still hurt. As the door slammed shut, Diego slid to the ground and stretched out his legs.
Luther and Vanya, huh. He didn’t know what to think about that. It sounded like — from their story — that they landed in the same alley he had but a year earlier. And his landing was better. At least he didn’t land and lose his memories. It was his actions that led Diego to be in this place.
He didn’t want to believe them but he felt like he had too. The way they interacted with each other? It was completely different. There was love and care between them. Before their foray into the past, Luther had been scared of Vanya and of what she could do, determined to follow dad’s lead and lock her up. Hell, the last time Luther and Vanya were alone together, Luther locked Vanya up and she decided to blow up the moon.
Granted, Diego felt like doing the same thing because of how often Luther brought it and his mission up. But now? Neither of them apparently remembered anything and they came for him for help.
He didn’t necessarily know what to do about that — the mighty Number One and the resident Family Traitor...only they didn’t remember those facts.
“Fuck.”
Diego wished he had had a couple of more minutes to talk to them. He didn’t get a chance to actually question them — but now he had some time to think of some questions. He had to come up with some that would prompt a reaction from one of them. Something that would break through their act — if they were lying. Diego knew that he could question Luther about his mutated body or their father. Those were topics that would break Luther’s silence. He didn’t know what type of topics to get Vanya with but based on what he saw back in the mansion on that last day — Diego might ask her about Pogo and what he had done to be killed in such a way.
Diego didn’t know what happened with either of those situations for them but he had seen the aftermath of even mentioning it so that was going to be his best bet on shocking them into dropping the act.
And in the unlikely occasion that they truly didn’t remember, Diego needed to know what memories they did have.
~~
It had taken longer then Diego thought it would have, but a month after he first entered the hospital, Diego passed his evaluation and was able to call his siblings. During that month Diego had repeated the number to himself over and over again, both not wanting to forget it and as a reminder to himself about why he was putting genuine effort in talking it out with the doctors and staff.
He had spun a story about trying to find his siblings to explain the stalking behavior and semi-created a horrible ex for Vanya to explain why he had lied at first. Between those facts and the effort Diego showed in both group sessions and personal sessions, he passed the eval with flying colors. He had even seen some nurses drying their eyes — so amazed at the effort he was putting in to protect his family.
Diego hid the eye roll. Whatever got him out of here. He was told that he had a couple of minutes to make a phone call but after that, he had to vacate the premises. Letting the phone ring, Diego was making vague plans upon plans.
“Hello?” Diego was pleased that it was Vanya that answered the phone, not whoever they were living with.
“Vanya? It's Diego. I passed my eval and am being released from the hospital today. Do you-”
“Oh, that’s wonderful! I can come and get you? That is - if you want to stay with us?”
Diego swore to himself, in his head. He could see Vanya’s face, even over the phone. Big sad eyes, a hopeful smile that she was trying to stifle, shoulders hunched up, and she was probably curled up a little — making herself a smaller target for any sort of scorn or ridicule. He had seen that look a thousand times growing up, and it was even more effective now than they were adults. Diego swore it was the height difference. They might have been close to the same size growing up but now Diego towered over her.
He knew that even if he hadn’t planned on staying with them, he would have to now. Damn those stupid puppy dog eyes.
“Yeah. That would be nice — would it be possible for someone to get me tonight? I’ve only got a couple of minutes on the phone before they chase me out the door.”
“Of course! If I remember right there’s a little bookstore a couple of blocks from the hospital. I could meet you there? It would only take me about an hour to get there.”
“That sounds like a plan. You’ll be here in around an hour?” Diego wanted to be certain of Vanya’s arrival.
“Yup! Did you want me to bring you anything from the farm? I don’t think we have clothes that would fit you but I can bring some cash and we can stop somewhere.”
“I have the clothes I was wearing when I was admitted.” Diego didn’t want to go shopping with his sister — he remembered Allison and the many malls she dragged them to after their missions. He wasn’t doing that again.
“Oh...ok. You’re sure you don’t need anything?”
Damn those puppy dog eyes.
“...But I guess I could use a change. And maybe something to eat?”
“Oh! Oh yeah! I can bring some sandwiches and such!” Vanya sounded excited and Diego heaved a sigh, seeing his future. It involved shopping and talking about his feelings.
The things he did for his family.
“No provolone or mayonnaise. I’ll be in the bookstone. One hour.”
“Sounds like a plan!”
They hung up, then Diego completed the check out routine, getting back his uniform and harness but not his knives. He gave the guards the side eye he’d learnt from Five when they were preteens but knew he wasn’t going to be getting them back.
He was just walking out when he heard the doctors talking with the head guard, “Yeah we’re moving the new inmate in tonight — one miss Lila Pitts.”
#the umbrella academy imagine#the umbrella academy#tua imagine#tua#luther hargreeves#luther hargreeves imagine#vanya hargreeves#vanya hargreeves imagine#diego hargreeves#diego hargreeves imagine#my stuff#m's fics#i turn to paths that lead home
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Chapter 13: Stay The Night
(from the My Girl Trilogy: Be My Only)
…in which Y/N doesn’t feel safe in her flat, but Harry is too far away.
AU: actor!Harry, older!Harry, younger!Y/N (4-year age gap).
Chapter 12: Ex’s And Oh’s - Their relationship is no longer a secret.
Wattpad link
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When Y/N left her flat this morning, she was filled with stress.
She had taken the bus to clear her mind instead of driving to work, but as she waited at the bus stop, she realized it was a terrible idea. She loved mornings in London. The feeling of being just a tiny nobody in the sea of busy strangers rushing off to work made her feel at ease. After yesterday, however, everything had changed.
A group of schoolgirls also waiting for the bus had been staring at her for two minutes now. As their chatter and snickering rang in her ears, she was sure one of them had taken a photo without her consent and posted it on Instagram with the caption: 'I met the bitch who kissed Harry, and she was ugly as fuck.'
Y/N told herself to ignore them, not giving them the satisfaction of being right about whatever personalities they had picked out for her. Besides, there were only four of them, so maybe she was overreacting. She wasn't the center of the universe and didn't walk down the street with that kissing photo glued to her forehead. But unfortunately, that was exactly how she was feeling right now. She envisioned a spotlight shining on her everywhere she went, and even the homeless guy across the street knew she'd kissed the Harry Styles.
It was the longest bus ride ever, even though she'd chosen to sit at the very back to avoid unwanted attention. Thank God, those teenage girls had got off one stop before her, and she was allowed to walk the rest of the way to the bookstore in peace. Well, it had been peace before she entered the bookstore.
"Good morning, Y/N!" Alice and Eddie said at the same when she walked in. Since when did she get a heartwarming welcome for being thirty minutes late? Was she living in a nightmare? Should she pinch herself to wake up?
"So, I was just telling Eddie that I need a new haircut—" Alice started speaking as Y/N hung up her jacket. "I would like it shorter, and maybe I'll have it dyed to match the color of my dress. My cousin Layla is getting married soon and—"
"It's okay, Al. You can ask me anything," Y/N cut her off, and Alice's eyes grew slightly bigger.
"W-What are you talking about?" the girl stuttered as she exchanged looks with Eddie, who was tongue-tied and could only shake his head.
"I know you've seen those photos and read all the things people have said about me," said Y/N. "And because you're my friends. I want you to be honest. Tell me what you think about me. Ask me questions. Just...don't be so weird. I can't take it."
Shifting from one foot to the other, Alice exhaled as her chest caved in. "I-I'm very sorry it happened to you. And...and for what I said about Harry and Ruby being soulmates or whatever. I did-didn't know it was you."
"I'm sorry too," Eddie blurted as he adjusted his glasses. "I mean...I mean, what Alice just said."
"Nice try, dumbass."
"Hey!"
Y/N snorted as Alice gave Eddie the finger. "So you guys believe me?" she asked.
"Of course we do!" piped Alice. "You and Isaac broke up on good term so you're free to date whoever the fuck you want. Fuck those bitches. Believe me or not, I created another account, just to defend you from hate comments."
For a second, Y/N thought she was only joking, but then quickly realized she was not. "You didn't have to, Alice! I don't even read those comments!"
"Yes, I did have to, because you're my friend." Alice's face contorted as she placed both hands on Y/N's shoulders. "I'm so glad it's you, by the way."
To hear this from Alice of all people made Y/N feel much better. She didn't need validation from every single fan of Harry's to feel worthy of her own relationship, but it was nice to have at least one who supported her.
"It's all thanks to you, Al," she said.
"Thanks to me?!"
"Thanks to her?!"
Y/N couldn't help but laugh at Alice's and Eddie's reaction. She answered them with a firm nod. "If last year you hadn't given me those tickets to see the Heathers musical—"
"Wait a minute! You went to see it with him?!" Alice covered her mouth as her jaw dropped.
"Yeah, well, no, we were...caught in the rain so we didn't get to see it. But before that, we were going to see it together. That was basically how it all started. It's—" She rolled her eyes and exhaled. "It's a long story."
"Tell me!"
"Maybe some other time. I'm sure Eddie doesn't want us to—"
"Tell us!" Eddie chimed in, already resting his chin on his palms like a child waiting for his bedtime story. As they continued to chant "tell us, tell us!", Y/N was left with no choice but to grab a chair and sit down with them.
Taking a deep breath, she began, "Harry and I met when I was nine..."
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Nine-year-old Y/N was thrilled when Gemma agreed to take her to Harry's football game. It was not only the first time she'd got to see him play, but also the first match she had ever attended. She didn't even know the rules. All she knew was, there were two teams, Harry's was red, the opponent was blue. If a player kicked the ball into the other team's net and the goalkeeper from the other team couldn't catch it, then this team got one point. The team with the most points at the end won. It sounded simple when she put it like that, but she knew it was more complicated in reality.
Gemma seemed to know all about football, but the more she explained, the more confused Y/N got. How could anyone remember all these positions? What did a 'penalty' mean? And what the heck were those red and yellow cards the referee was holding?
Frustrated, Gemma eventually gave up and told her, "you'll get it when you're older."
Y/N knew Gemma didn't mean to hurt her feeling, but her words had done just that. 'Older', she despised that word, yet it was all she wanted to become. Older. Smarter. Prettier. If she'd achieved all of those things, she would be good enough to become Harry's girlfriend. Sitting with her head hung, she bit her nails and pondered the idea. It was only when the parents roared with cheers that she snapped back to reality. She looked up just in time Harry was running toward his teammates and screaming with joy, as the goalkeeper on the other team flopped down on the grass, looking defeated. Their reactions made it clear that Harry had just scored.
"Did they win?!" She looked up at Gemma with hopeful eyes, and the older girl gave her a shrug.
"Not yet, but they're already leading 2-0 and there's only five minutes left."
"So they're surely gonna win?!"
When Y/N received a nod as an answer, she jumped and screamed his name so loud it startled Gemma and a few other parents. But she didn't pay attention to them. Every fiber of her being was vibrating with anticipation and her eyes were fixed on her crush. In her imagination, the other boys started to fade into the green of the field, the spectators evaporated like mist in the sun, and Harry was glowing like an angel.
His team won that day, as predicted. Y/N knew she hadn't contributed even the slightest to their victory, but she prided herself on being his good luck charm. And therefore, Harry would be so happy to see her.
While Gemma was chatting with a cute guy she'd run into, Y/N rushed toward the group of older boys who were heading out of the field. Harry spotted her right away, his face gleamed as he waved his hand in the air.
"You were amazing!" she bubbled. "Gemma and I were cheering so loud for you! I knew you'd win!"
"Thanks, Bambi. I'm glad you came," Harry said as he stroked her head, making her feel so happy she almost didn't notice the other boys.
That was only until she heard them snickering, and one said, "I didn't know you had a little sister."
"No, she's my neighbor," Harry answered with a straight face. And the smile Y/N was wearing slowly withered. 'Neighbor'? Was that all she was to him? Not even a friend? Just his 'neighbor'? Ouch.
"You're hanging with little kids now, Harry? Are you a babysitter?" a fat boy said as he cackled and showed his shiny braces.
"How old are you, little baby?" said the skinny one with red hair and squinty eyes. She should've taken his condescending sneer as a sign not to answer his question, but being the only girl there and younger than them all made her feel pressured to tell them what they wanted to hear.
"I'm nine," she said while fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.
All the boys cracked up like she'd just told a funny joke. But the only joke here was...her. They were all laughing at her.
"Hey, that's enough, Jake!"
When Harry glowered at them, their laughter slowly died down. But neither that thin boy nor those who'd laughed at her showed any remorse for picking on a little girl. Y/N hopelessly studied Harry's reaction, a line appeared between her brows as she clutched her hands tightly together. She was waiting for him to ask them to apologize, or at least tell them that she was more mature and probably smarter than all of them combined.
But Harry said nothing about it. He told her to get back to Gemma before she got lost and then walked off with the rest of the team.
.
.
.
That photo. That goddamn photo.
Harry knew it should've been the least of his concern now that there were at least five different shots of him kissing his girlfriend floating around on the Internet. Still, he was sitting here and getting fed up with the photo of her and Isaac at the wedding reception.
They looked happy. Way too happy. If the way they laughed hadn't already driven him up the wall, seeing Isaac's arm tightened around his girlfriend's waist had done the perfect job. It was all he'd been thinking about since last night.
Given a short break between the two scenes, Harry returned to his chair and pulled out his phone to send Y/N a text, but he sat and contemplated at the screen for a long moment. He felt petty when his brain told him to ask her about the photo with Isaac. But his heart, which knew better, told him to avoid talking about any photo. She had dealt with enough of shit on her own, and the last thing she needed was her pathetic boyfriend getting jealous like a hormonal teenage boy.
After what seemed like an eternity, he finally typed down a line and pressed send.
⌲ Morning, love! How's your day been? :)
It didn't take too long for her to reply, so he guessed she was on her phone while 'working' again.
⌲ Bambi: So far so good. How's yours?
⌲ Everything's great, except for the fact that you're not here, which sucks.
⌲ Bambi: You're a good liar.
⌲ I'm not! I really miss you! :(
⌲ Bambi: No, silly. I mean...
⌲ Bambi: Niall told me you asked for his thought about the photo of me and Isaac.
⌲ Damn it, Niall.
⌲ Look, baby, it's no big deal.
⌲ Bambi: Yeah? Then tell me what you think about the photo. Answer honestly.
⌲ I think you looked great in that dress.
⌲ Bambi: Harry...
⌲ Okay. Fine. I don't like the way he had his arm around you. And you two looked like a happy couple...
⌲ Bambi: We're not though. I'm with you.
⌲ I know...I'm not doubting you or anything.
⌲ Bambi: You sound like you are...
⌲ I'm not. I swear!
He impatiently drummed his fingers on the arm of the chair, and let out a harsh breath when her reply finally popped up.
⌲ Bambi: They were playing a really good song so I got lost in the moment and kept stepping on his feet. That photo was the exact moment when I was about to fall and he caught me just in time. We were just laughing at how stupid I was.
⌲ Oh...
⌲ Bambi: Feel better now?
⌲ Yeah :)
Three dots appeared as she was typing, but they were interrupted by a call from Jeff. Harry had been expecting the call since last night, but his manager had been too busy to respond.
"Hey, man, how's it?" Harry implored as he leaned back in his chair.
"We can't figure out who leaked the photo," Jeff said, his voice was heavily low. "You need to ask her, Harry."
The actor tossed his head back and drew in a long breath. He didn't even want to face Ruby after what had happened the other night, so asking her if she'd leaked the photos of him and his girlfriend would be much worse. But it seemed like he had no other choice.
"Fine, she'll be here any second. I'll try to speak to her."
"Great!" Jeff marveled, but Harry didn't see what was so great about that. He was still full of tension as he tapped his foot and buried his hand in his hair.
"What about the other thing?"
"What other thing?"
"Have you read my text from last night?"
"Oh, that." Jeff huffed. "You can't do that, mate."
"What? Why?"
"You'll draw even more attention to yourself and your girlfriend if you speak up about the issue."
"But people want to hear the truth. They'll stop talking if I just make a post to explain everything—"
"Harry, stop!" Jeff cut him off. "These people won't ever stop unless they forget. You know you can't please the angry mob no matter what you feed them. They're not here for answers, they're here for drama. So they will just turn every word you say against you."
"This is not about me though, this is about Bambi!"
"Bambi? That's her name?"
"N-No, her name's Y/N." Harry squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing his forehead. "I want to protect her. She's not...she's not like the others. She's not used to this."
"Then you need to let this go. Don't give people more reasons to hate Y/N."
Harry nodded as he unclenched his fists. "You're probably right...thanks, man."
"Hey, your mess is also my mess." Jeff cackled and told Harry that he needed to go, but if Harry needed anything, he could always ring him up. "Good luck with your Bambi," he said before ending the call, and Harry only gave a chuckle as a response.
The last text he'd received from Y/N was: 'I gotta go. Talk to you later.' So he guessed their conversation was also over. He quickly typed down 'I love you', sent it, and put his phone away.
"Is Ruby here yet?" he heard the director ask everyone as she made her way toward him. "Harry, have you talked to Ruby?"
"No, I—"
"Hold on!" Evangeline held up a finger in front of his face as she checked her phone. "Her assistant just sent me a text. She'll be here late due to traffic. Well, why aren't I surprised?"
Laughing, she sat down in Ruby's chair next to him and snapped her fingers to get his attention. "Hey, you alright?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. He almost blurted out his usual answer to every situation, but nothing seemed to get past the eyes of this woman. "I know no criticism could bring you down, but you're worried about your girlfriend, right?"
"Yeah," he admitted, not knowing why, but he went on anyway. "She's not famous. She doesn't even like the idea of being famous, so this is a lot for her to handle. I just...I wish I was home with her right now. To make her feel safe."
It was the first time he'd openly talked about Y/N to a co-worker, and it felt really nice to be able to get certain feelings off his chest. Besides, he trusted Evangeline. This lady had never worn fewer than three colors in one outfit, and her hats were always much bigger than her head. Right now she was wearing a massive yellow summer hat with extravagant ruffles feathers on the wide brim. No negative comment about it could force her to take it off. She simply didn't care about being judged and had never judged anyone.
"I kept wanting to ask you if you got a girlfriend at home, but now I know," she said and patted him on the shoulder.
"Really?" He snorted, his eyebrows pulled together. "I mean, most people would've assumed I was with Ruby."
"You and Ruby?!" the director gasped as if he'd just said something outrageous. "Hein? You and Ruby don't look happy together. You're just good at pretending like you are in love. I thought you had great chemistry on-screen, but off-screen? Not so much."
"Well, that's a relief." He rolled his eyes and exhaled a laugh. "I'm just so tired of people thinking we're 'a match made in heaven' just because we look good together on-screen."
"What's her name?"
"Huh?"
"Your girl. What's her name?"
"Y/N." Harry smiled as he scratched his nose. He could never say her name without a smile on his face.
"That's a pretty name," said Eva.
"I call her Bambi instead." He shook his head at the memories and laughed a little. "She has...these...very pretty eyes. The prettiest I've ever seen. But they were so sad, and—" The man stopped talking when he saw the way Eva was gawking at him. Immediately, he exclaimed, "oh God, I'm sorry for oversharing. Let's just...just forget what I said."
"Quoi! Please continue! I love hearing stories about love!" she said and clutched her chest. "I'm a hopeless romantic and I think the story of how you met Y/N was beautiful!"
"Thank you." He hung his head, picking at his own nails as his voice lowered to slightly above a whisper. "I care about her a lot. And sometimes, I just feel like...she could be happier without me."
"Doesn't she love you?"
"She does, of course...Very much I'm afraid." He twisted one of the rings on his fingers, eyes on his feet instead of Eva. "She could just have a normal relationship without having to hide, or going online and read the terrible things people say about her that aren't true. I'm trying to protect her, but it's scary to think that...that she should be protected from...me."
Eva was deep in thoughts as she cocked her head and fiddled with her hoop earring. Harry assumed she agreed with him but then she uttered, "you know, you do think a lot like your character Jay."
"How so?" he asked.
"Well, you're in love but your insecurities tell you you're not good enough, and therefore you don't deserve to be in love. That is not fair for sweet Y/N." Eva wrapped one of her curls around her finger and gave a half shrug. "The only thing which is worse than loving someone who doesn't love you back, is loving someone who's afraid to love you."
"I'm not afraid," he said, almost defensively, and she pressed her lips into a gentle smile.
"I know you aren't. But when things get...complicated, and you feel like you should let go, just remember what I've told you today. If you let go, thinking it's what's best for Y/N, you're not doing it for her, you're doing it for yourself, and it's very selfish."
Harry stayed quiet, needing time to let the advice sink in. But before he could open his mouth, Ruby burst into the room and frantically apologized for being late...again.
Eva stood up fast and clapped her hands to get everyone's attention. "Next scene in five minutes!"
Ruby was quick to spot Harry from across the room. Instead of looking away when their eyes met, she shot him a smile. This could be a good sign, he thought and rose from his chair. They held that eye contact as he walked over to where she stood, and she didn't wander off to avoid a confrontation. She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and crossed her arms. She was finally ready to talk.
"Hey," he said with both hands in his pockets. "How are you?"
"Better than ever. Thanks for asking," she said. Her face showed the opposite of distress, and this time he couldn't tell whether her cheerfulness was fake or real.
"I actually want to ask you about—"
"I know you think I took and leaked those photos, but I didn't," Ruby told him with her head held high. "It was the Declan twins."
"So you knew it all along?"
"Yes," she admitted without pause, keeping her expression neutral. "They did it because they were both bitter that Isaac had turned them down. They were obsessed with him. The only thing I'm guilty of is not doing anything to stop them, because I also wanted to get back at you and the girl."
"Right..." Harry breathed, pinching the bridge of his nose and putting a hand on his hip. He wasn't sure what to do with this piece of information. He couldn't call up the twins and demand them to take down the photos, which had already been shared all over the internet. He couldn't sue them either, it would only make everything worse. He couldn't stop being friends with them, because, well, he had never been friends with them, to begin with, and they obviously didn't care about him. So there was absolutely nothing he could do but accept that fact and move on. Nevertheless, he was glad to have found out the truth.
"Anyway, um, thanks for telling me."
"Wait," Ruby stopped him, making him turn around and blink at her in confusion as she stood there with her lips slightly parted. It took her a second to finally say, "how is she?"
"What?"
"How's Y/N?" She cleared her throat and shifted from one foot to the other while plucking at the cuff of her shirt. "Um...I've read the things people said. Know how it feels to deal with shit like this so..."
To say he was shocked would be an understatement, because this wasn't the Ruby who'd shown up at his hotel room two nights ago. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her like this. He supposed it was a good thing, yet he would need some time to get used to it.
"Yeah, well, I'm taking care of her," he said, giving her a smile.
"You're always taking care of people." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and shook her head a bit. "But...at least now it's someone who deserves it, right?"
Harry stilled, not knowing what to say. If Eva hadn't intervened right then, he might've just blurted out something stupid to get rid of the awkward tension.
"Harry, Ruby!" Her thick French accent turned their heads at the same time. The lady snapped her fingers at them. "I need you both! Hurry!"
Breaking into a grin, Ruby hastened to her position. Harry felt a surge of happiness as he watched her start a conversation with Eva. What he saw was the charismatic woman who had enchanted him when they first met. The old Ruby was back, and she was finally healing, this time, all on her own.
.
.
.
Whenever Y/N felt dejected, she would seek for therapy in writing. She would write to kill time and to be distracted, and at the moment, she needed her imagination more than she needed air. She had eaten dinner alone and sat in front of her laptop since 6 PM. Hours had passed and she had written almost three thousand words in total. She was too tired to continue, but not tired enough to fall asleep. So if she stopped now she would lie in bed wide awake and think about all sorts of negative things.
She knew she shouldn't have done what she'd done earlier that day. She had sworn to herself and Harry that she wouldn't go online and scroll through the comments about the photos, but she had. And it was too late to regret it now. She had thought she could sympathize with what Ruby had dealt with. But now that she was in her shoes, she realized she could never sympathize with what someone was going through, until she had to go through it herself.
She'd been teased in school when she was about six or seven. Back then she hadn't got the guts to stand up for herself, so her greatest escape would be going home and holing up in her room, where there was no more invasion of destructive words. Now with social media, the bullying started all over again as you went home and logged on. People were free to share pictures and videos, and one tiny mistake could ruin your life. That was the reason she'd tried to keep her life online and offline as private as possible. She knew what would happen when people knew too much about her. But everything was different now. Those people had got inside her head.
She wanted to tell Harry as he was the only one who could make her feel safe. But she didn't want to make this a bigger problem for him. If he'd known how she was feeling, he would've dropped everything and flown home to make sure she was okay. Hadn't she messed up his life enough already? Besides, he had a movie premiere to attend tonight. He'd been so excited when receiving the invitation, because some directors and actors he looked up to would be there. The least she could do for him as a girlfriend was to allow him to have fun without worrying about her every single minute.
It was 1 AM, and the sound of doorbell woke Y/N from her sleep. She lifted her face from her arms and realized she'd been asleep on her desk for God knew how long. Tired, she checked the clock again to make sure she hadn't mistaken. It was exactly 1 AM. And the unexpected guest rang her doorbell a couple of times more to make it very clear that they wanted to get in. All the people who could pay her a visit at this time of the day would never do that.
She got up, feeling a bit woozy as she walked to the living room and picked up her keys from the coffee table. There were footsteps rushing down the stairs as she headed toward the door. Did that person just...run away?
Y/N's heart was pounding so hard she almost couldn't breathe. She unlocked the door and pulled it open immediately, panting with wide eyes when she saw nothing but an empty hallway...and a box left on the doormat.
She looked to her left, and then to her right, and once she was sure she was alone, she picked up the box and shook it twice. The object seemed to be much smaller than the space within the box, but she couldn't figure out what it was. It couldn't have been a bomb, because who would've bombed her, anyway? So it couldn't be that bad.
And she was right, it wasn't that bad. Because it was worse. It made her wish it'd been a bomb.
The box dropped to her feet as she shrieked and jumped back, gripping the edge of the door so she wouldn't fall. Covering her mouth with one hand, she gulped down breaths to stay quiet.
It was a rat. A dead rat.
The head was flattened. Fresh blood soaked into the fur it touched, matting it together. She noticed an eyeball had been squeezed out and turned away, pale in the face and feeling like she might throw up. She hadn't touched it, but her fingers were already numb. It took her a few seconds to look at it again. Her chest rose and fell with rapid breaths as she read the letters written on the bottom of the box.
GOLD DIGGING SLUT!
Y/N slammed the door, locked it as fast as she could and covered her mouth to muffle her crying. Fighting the weakness in her knees, she dashed straight into her bedroom to get her phone and call the police.
.
.
.
"Don't open the door! No!"
Y/N shrank back into her blanket as the girl in the movie was stabbed to death by the creep in the mask. After only a second of resisting and screaming for help, knowing no one would be able to hear her, her body dropped to the ground, and she laid there like a butchered animal in a waste of blood.
Y/N's heartbeat was racing, nearly exploding as she held her breath and turned to aunt Lynn, who had dozed off a while ago. The babysitter's head was tilted back, her mouth was open, and her eyes were closed. Y/N had never thought sleeping aunt Lynn would be scarier than the usual aunt Lynn, but right now it appeared so.
When the doorbell rang, Y/N jumped to her feet, clutching her chest as she took a few steps backward until her thighs hit the edge of the coffee table.
"Who's there?!" she raised her voice.
Her aunt was still sleeping soundly on the couch. If the person outside were to kill both of them, aunt Lynn would probably die in peace, and Y/N would die screaming like the girl in the movie.
"Who is it?!" the little girl asked again when the doorbell rang for the second time. She gathered all the courage she had left and marched toward the door. "I-I have a...a knife here! I'm not afraid to use it!"
"You have a knife?!"
"Harry?!" Y/N blew out her cheeks as her shoulders sagged. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm here to see you," he said. "Just let me in."
She was about to unlock the door but then she cowered back, her hands squeezed into fists against her chest. "How do I know you're really Harry?" she asked, and the boy responded with a soft chuckle.
"Who else would I be, kid?"
"Maybe you're just really good at faking his voice."
"Are you watching horror movies with aunt Lynn again?"
"How do you know that?! Who are you?" she gasped and stepped away from the door, but she could hear Harry let out a sharp breath.
"Don't be silly, Bambi. Aunt Lynn always makes you watch those stupid movies—" he paused suddenly. "She's not there, is she?"
"She's sleeping," Y/N mumbled, now feeling less on edge because this boy sounded a lot like Harry. Still, she needed solid proof in order to trust him. "If you're Harry, then...then tell me something only Harry knows."
"Bambi, come on."
"I'm serious!"
"Okay, okay!" He laughed and his shadow underneath her door moved around a bit. "So uh...you hate green peas but your mother loves them, so you keep it as a secret to not hurt her feelings."
"I love green peas."
"No, you don't!"
"I just changed my mind yesterday."
"Then how could I know if you're only telling me now?"
"Fine, you're right," Y/N breathed as she finally relaxed and unlocked the door.
Harry greeted her with a big smile. He was wearing flip-flops and pyjamas so she guessed he had been ready for bed before he came over. She hadn't checked the time, but she was sure it was almost midnight now. So why was he here?
"Couldn't sleep. Want to talk to you," he answered the question she hadn't asked and stepped into her living room, smirking as he saw her aunt drooling. "Man, she looks even scarier sleeping."
"Right?" Y/N snorted, closing the door and telling him to follow her to her room before they woke up her babysitter.
There they sat on the edge of her bed, side by side. Neither knew how to begin even though they both had a lot to say to each other. And as usual, Harry had to start the conversation. Y/N would never swallow her pride to forgive him before he apologized.
"I'm sorry about the other day," he said while tapping his foot and staring at the floor. "I...uh...I know you're mad at me—"
"Yes, I am," she cut him short, arms crossed over her chest. "I'm also disappointed. But my mum said if a person didn't want to be your friend, then you shouldn't try to change their mind."
"I do want to be friends with you, kid."
"You have friends." She turned her face away and gave a mirthless laugh. "Awful ones. But who am I to judge?"
Harry was quiet for a moment. She wasn't looking at him to see his reaction but she could feel his eyes on her.
"I love hearing you say things. Even when you're upset with me," he said, a smile could be heard in the tone of his voice.
Unexpectedly, he reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and she jerked away, making him set his palms down flat on the bed.
"You're the smartest girl I know, Bambi," he said with a timid smile. "Sometimes you're even smarter than me and those boys."
"Sometimes? You mean, all the time."
Her remark made him cackle. "Yeah. All the time." He nodded. "I guess...I was just...trying to make myself seem cool, but it actually made me look like a jerk. So...I'm very sorry. You know I would choose you over anyone else."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Even when the whole world tells you to stop being friends with me."
"Yup." He took her hand and hooked their pinkies together. "You have my word."
"Well then, apology accepted." Beaming, she rose from the bed and pulled him up by the arms. "Now you should go before my aunt gets here."
"Right! My mum would be so mad if she found out I was gone!"
A thunderous boom made the kids jump and scream as they clung to each other. In a blink of an eye, the rain came pouring down like a giant waterfall. With both arms wrapped around Harry's waist, Y/N hid her face into his chest when a flash of lightning blinded her. She knew it was silly but she couldn't help it. She was stuck in adrenaline mode.
Harry stared out of the window, watching the violent wind bending the trees, and he grumbled, "crap, how am I supposed to go home?"
"Then don't!" Y/N blurted, making the boy chortle.
"Are you scared?"
"I'm not! It's just—"
"Just what?" He cracked a smirk, held onto her shoulders and bent his knees to look into her eyes. "What did I tell you about watching those horror movies?"
"If you're only teasing me, then maybe you should go home." She shrugged his arms off and gave a dismissive wave of her hand, but the boy stayed right where he was instead of leaving. Sitting back on her bed, she crossed her arms and lifted an eyebrow at him. "Well?"
"I think I'm gonna stay," Harry said with a shrug. Without waiting for a response, he jumped back on the bed and lied down with his arms folded under his head.
"What about your mum? Wouldn't she be angry?" Y/N questioned as she held back a smile.
"She'd be angrier if I came home all soaked. Might as well just stay here and face the consequences in the morning."
Nodding once, the girl climbed on the bed to lie down on her back, her hands resting on her belly. She closed her eyes so the lightning couldn't bother her anymore, but then she felt Harry inching closer.
"I will protect you," he said.
Y/N turned to lie on her side as she opened her eyes slowly. She found herself mirroring him. His luminous green eyes were so different in moments like these, softer than she knew eyes could be. And she almost drifted off when she remembered what he'd just said.
Yawning, she told him, "the murderer would just kill you first."
"If there was a murderer, then we'd both be dead."
"I feel much safer now. You're doing a good job."
Harry snorted at her sarcasm while toying with a lock of her hair on her pillow. She didn't think he was aware of him doing that, but she didn't say a word, not wanting him to stop.
"I'll protect you from everything else," he went on. "Storms. Bullies. Spiders...Wait, you're the weirdo who loves spiders."
"They're cute. My teacher has one as a pet."
"Your teacher's a weirdo."
"That's...kinda true," she said, making both of them laugh.
"But seriously—" He stopped twirling her hair as his eyebrow snapped together. "I will protect you."
"I know you will." She giggled, clutching his hand and holding it tight.
When another bolt of lightning struck and rumbles of thunder shook the earth, she didn't even notice. Nothing could scare her now that he was here.
.
.
.
"You didn't have to come over, you know?" Y/N said as she locked the door, but Isaac didn't speak. He cautiously looked around her living room to make sure everything was normal. His hair was soaked from the rain and so was his jacket, which he shrugged off and hung on the coat stand by the kitchen door.
She knew no one else to call. Harry was in Paris, her father was in Holmes Chapel, her best friends had gone on their honeymoon. It was only at times like this that she began to see the importance of having more than a few people you could trust. She had never hated loneliness until tonight.
She'd called Isaac only to have someone to talk to. But what she hadn't expected was him driving all the way here in the pouring rain just to make sure she was okay.
"Have the police arrived?" he asked when she came out of her bedroom and brought him a towel to dry his hair.
"You came shortly after they'd left," she said. "They took care of the box, but there was no way to figure out who put it there."
"Have they checked the camera in the hallway?"
"There's no camera in the hallway. The lift here doesn't even work." Y/N covered her eyes with one hand and laughed out loud. She didn't know what was so funny about receiving a dead rat as a gift while living in the most unsecured building in London. But finding humor in a situation like this made her feel less anxious.
For the next fifteen minutes, they were just sitting on the couch and checking their phones in silence. Y/N didn't have anything to check on her phone, but she didn't know what to say to Isaac either. So she ended up looking through the old pics and reading old messages from Harry. She was too scared to even turn off the airplane mode, let alone go online and get bombarded by more hate words. At least those words didn't smell like dead rats.
"Ugh..." she grunted and held her nose. Just the thought of that nasty smell could almost make her vomit.
"You okay, Smiley?"
"I'm fine," she lied, nodding fast. And then the words just slipped out before she could stop them. "Do you think you can stay longer? I know you have to go to work tomorr—"
"I'll stay until sunrise, yeah?" he said without a second thought. "You can just go to bed. I'll still be here when you wake up."
"No, I'll...I'll stay up with you."
"You seem tired, Smiley."
"I'm not..."
She was though. She'd been struggling to keep her bloodshot eyes open ever since they sat down. But Isaac knew better than to argue with her.
"How about I get you a blanket and a pillow so you can lie down here?" he suggested.
She thought for a moment before giving him a nod. Her eyes followed him as he got up and walked to her bedroom. He came back not so long later with a blanket and a pillow, and took a seat in the armchair so she could take the couch. Y/N lied down on her side, facing him with her hands under her cheek. There was a window behind Isaac, and from where she laid, she could see lightning jag across the night sky, ripping it like paper. Quickly, she covered her ear before the loud thunder cracked the air, making Isaac jolt upright.
He chuckled when he saw her grin. "Are you making fun of me?"
"I am, yeah." She nodded, making him screw up his face.
"That's not how you treat your hero."
"Aww, I'm sorry, my hero," she said, pouting at him.
Isaac shook with laughter as he leaned back in his chair. Although he didn't want to show it, he was exhausted. She could see it in the way he stretched and kept rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palm.
"I hope after tonight you won't regret being my friend," she murmured, watching his eyes widen.
"No, I love being your friend," he said. But she didn't know how much of that sentence was the truth. She didn't speak, so he went on, "are you going to tell Harry about tonight?"
"I don't know." She stuck out her bottom lip, shaking her head. "He'll freak out for sure."
"Yeah, but you should tell him. Maybe wait until tomorrow."
"Yeah..." She gripped the blanket and shivered when there was another thunder. "I hope whoever sent me the rat got swept away by this rain."
Her random remark got Isaac laughing. "I hope so too," he said. "They deserve it."
"Promise you won't tell Harry?"
"That I was here?"
"No." She shook her head slightly, feeling a lump in her throat as she spotted the frown on his face. "Just don't tell him about tonight. I'll do it myself."
"Okay." He forced a smile. "I promise."
Neither of them said another word, and Y/N couldn't feel her muscles anymore. Her eyelids fluttered as her eyes became heavier and heavier, finally sending her into a dreamless sleep.
.
.
.
When Y/N woke up, Isaac wasn't sitting in his chair anymore. The window curtains were closed for he didn't want her to get blinded by the light. She pushed herself up from the couch, resting her arm on the backrest and looking around to find him. He wasn't there, but his jacket was still on the coat stand, so she assumed he was in the bathroom. She held onto her head, and the memories of what had happened seemed like a terrible nightmare. But she knew it'd been real because she could still smell the rat.
The ringtone caught her by surprise. She muttered a curse word and reached for her phone on the coffee table. It was Harry. Great! She had just woken up, and now she had to improvise a speech to explain the previous situation without freaking him out. She meant to sit and watch her phone ring, but her conscience didn't let her do it. So she let go of a harsh sigh and picked up the phone.
"Good morning, my favorite girl in the world!" he said with a sing-song voice, and she silently cursed him for it. She didn't want him to be so cheerful before she told him a real-life horror story.
"Hey, baby. I just woke up."
"What's wrong? You sound tired."
Fuck, he noticed.
"No, I...well..."
"Smiley, can I borrow a towel?"
Shit!
"Is that—"
"Smiley!"
"Yes!" Y/N almost screamed at Isaac, who was standing at her bedroom door. He quickly caught on to what was happening when he saw her on the phone, so he mouthed an apology and hurriedly went back inside.
"Is that Isaac?!" Harry sounded out of breath. "Why is he there at seven in the morning?"
"Harry—"
"Did he spend the night there? Bambi, please tell me—"
"Fuck, someone was outside my flat at 1 AM!"
The other side went silent. For a second, Y/N thought Harry was gone.
"What are you talking about?" he asked, but with a much softer tone this time.
Taking a deep breath, she kneaded her shoulder and shut her eyes and she said, "someone rang my doorbell at one in the morning. I came to answer it, but no one was there. There was a...a box."
"A box?"
"Yeah, a box...And...and there was—" A dead rat in it. "There was a note in it that said 'gold-digging slut'."
"Fuck," he cursed heavily. If this was his reaction to only the message, she didn't want to find out how he would've reacted had she told him about the rat.
"I called the police and they couldn't do anything about it, so I had to call Isaac. I didn't know anyone else, I—"
"It's okay, baby. I get it, I get it," he breathed. "I don't want you to stay there tonight, alright? I'll phone my assistant. You already have the key to my house so—"
"Harry, I cannot stay at your house."
"—I'll send a bodyguard. You'll be much safer there. I'll call my assistant right now," he said quickly, not listening to whatever she wanted to say.
"Harry!" she raised her voice, at the same time, laughing to lighten up the mood. But both of them knew she was awfully stressed out. "I can't...I can't stay at your house."
"Bambi, don't do this, okay?" Harry hissed, sounding so frustrated that it made her guilty she had brought this upon him. "You're staying at my house until I get back. Just a few days more, baby. Please."
She swallowed and massaged the back of her neck. She didn't want to bother him, but if she'd said no, he would've done something as crazy as gone home to her. She couldn't let that happen.
"Fine, I'll get my stuff," she said at last, blowing out her cheeks.
"Good girl." Her boyfriend sighed in relief. "I'll keep you safe, yeah? Even when I'm not there, I'll...I'll make sure that you're safe. Just a few days more and I'll be home with you and everything will be okay."
"Okay," she mumbled, faking a smile even though he couldn't see her.
When she was a little girl, she would feel safe every time he promised to protect her. But now she feared it wasn't true anymore. There were things that were not in his power. There were things that he couldn't prevent. She could only hope nothing worse would happen in the next few days before he returned. She needed him badly, now more than ever. If only she could tell him that...
#my girl series#harry styles fluff#actor!harry#older!harry#younger!y/n#harry styles writing#harry styles angst#harry styles fanfic#harry styles fanfics#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles fanfictions#harry styles imagine#harry styles imagines#harry styles series
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Something There || Katsuki Bakugo x Reader
Beauty and The Beast Chapter 7
Pairing: Katsuki Bakugo x f!Reader (crush phase) Summary: Your class meets up at the mall, and have a very interesting encounter with the normally loud boy in the bookstore. Warnings: Slow burn, fluff Word Count: 1,193
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Ch.1 | Ch.2 | Ch.3 | Ch.4 | Ch.5 | Ch.6 | Ch.7 | Ch.8 | Ch.9 | Ch.10
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A few more days pass, and you found yourself truly seeing the ash blonde boy in a new light. Didn’t help that he had starting treating you a bit.. softer, although you were too oblivious to notice. The bakusquad, however, were very aware of the small glances you both would throw eachother during training and hangout sessions. From that point on, he walked you home everytime they would hang out anywhere that wasn’t your house, the Bakusquad had joined the Dekusquad on the trek to the train station after school, Hell he would even bring you your drink when you all went to a cafe. He still was vulgar and violent, but with you, it was different.
Both oblivious to the others feelings, the mutual pining was enough for everyone to eventually figure out what was happening, and there were nudges to you both from both sides. One day, while at the mall, the previously almost unthinkable happened. The girls and the boys had pretty much split up, being drawn to wildly different stores. The boys, for the most part, checked out things like sneaker stores and workout/sports stores, whereas the girls pulled you along to look at various clothes. You bought a couple outfits with them, but eventually managed to sneak off to go to the bookstore. Bakugo, who happened to be exiting a store nearby, happened to notice, and when the boys weren’t looking he too slipped away. You had a habit of going off on your own, which had made all of your friends uneasy due to current events. He eventually caught up with you on your way there, startling you. This was the first real time you were actually alone together for more than 5-10 minutes, so neither of you were really sure what to do. He kind of just followed you around, and sometimes made comments about the books you were grabbing, and judged if you grabbed a book he read and didn’t think was any good. Turns out he was quite the reader, to your surprise. Eventually with a small stack full of books, you turned towards the classics section, seeing if they had any of the books that had become your favorites when you were growing up.
Your eyes fall upon a particular book, causing you to place your small stack of books on the shelf and admire the cover of the one you had just picked up. Bakugo takes this moment to take in how beautiful you looked, and how the look of.. admiration had made its way onto your face as you gently ran your hand across the beautiful gold gilding that had appeared to dance along the cover as the light reflected off of it. "Love can transpose to form and dignity. Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind..." you had started to softly say to yourself. "... and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind." Bakugo finishes, pausing right before he spoke. This caused you to look up at him in a way he had never seen before. You stated with a small smile that you didn’t know he had read Shakespeare, and he responded that the poetry of old english had always captured his attention. Your eyes skimmed the shelf again, looking for another particular play. As you find it, you state that its your favorite one, and take a moment to admire the cover on this book as well. The title had said Romeo and Juliet, in fancy written letters branded in the same gold that adorned the Midsummer Night’s Dream you were holding just a moment prior. “I’m not surprised, with all the heartache and the pining and the-” he said, in a teasing tone with a roll of his eyes. You giggled to yourself and looked up at him, “and thats a problem because....?” “Theres just,, so many better things to read, y/n.” He looks back at you, unknowingly smiling. “Like what?” You ponder, returning the smile he had given you.
He picks up your books in one hand, and grabs the hand closest to him with the other, leading you to the isle right next to the one you were in. He places the books down on the shelf again and steadies them, still not letting go of you. He reaches out and grabs a book. “....Guinevere and Lancelot...” You state, again feeling the need to trace your fingers across the beautifully adorned cover. “Actually, King Arthur and the Knights of the round table. Y’know, knights and men and swords and things...” He says, a bit sheepishly, pink flooding his cheeks as he looks at you, glad that you’re so enamored with the book hes holding. “It’s also a daring love story of two people who were meant to be, but were stricken with circumstances that made their love difficult to foster, but all the more rewarding. Romeo and Juliet... but instead of two families, its one person preventing the two from being together openly.” You say, not phased by his need to make it sound ‘manlier’ than it actually was. Neither of you made a move to pull your hands apart, either, as if neither of you had noticed they were still intertwined. However, the feeling of warmth would soon leave, as you ended up grabbing your books with both hands, having him place the book he was holding atop it. At first he had tried to grab them from you so he could carry them, but you laughed and shook your head, gliding past him and towards the register. He followed behind you, almost like a lost puppy.
Eventually you both rejoined the group, and you all went home. The sheer amount of people, however, caused you both to sit separately on the train home. With that being said, he was both relieved and upset by that. He wanted to be next to you again, and to feel the warmth of your hand against his. Most of you had gotten off on the same stop, him so he could help you carry your small amount of bags. You tried to stop him at first, knowing how far away his house actually was, but he was determined to make sure you got home safe. You hugged all of your friends as you each split off, and the walk to your door was silent, although it was a comfortable silence. Once you’re both standing on your doorstep, you open your door and place the bags inside before turning back to him. You step forward and hug him for the first time, and hes caught off-guard long enough for you to pull away before he can hug you back. “Thank you...for today. I had a lot of fun..” you said, shyly despite the confidence you glowed in earlier. He nodded his head as he looked away. “Anyways, text me when you get home so I know you made it there safely..” He looked at you, and gave you a firm nod that time,, saying that he’ll be fine no-matter what, but if it helps you sleep better at night. You smiled at him once more before turning around and entering your home, locking the door behind you.
#bnha x reader#mha x reader#katsuki bakugo x reader#bnha fic#mha fic#katsuki bakugo fic#bnha imagines#mha imagines#katsuki bakugo imagine
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The Last of Us Part 2
So, I finished it a couple of days ago, and I’ve been thinking a lot about it. I spent about three days playing, and I plan to play it again soon. I have some Thoughts ™ about it that I decided to share, but be aware -- there are major spoilers all throughout this post! You’ve been warned!
It’s broken into three sections: what I loved, what I hated, and what I’m mixed about. Discussion is welcome. :)
What I Loved:
In the first game, you get to see Ellie's experience with the world outside of the QZ - and most of it is new to her. She grew up in the QZ, raised by Fireflies. She doesn't know much about the world before the outbreak, but you get to see her learn about it. You see her grow up and mature in this new, violent world and the toll that it has on her. In TLOU2, she's an adult now with friends who all grew up in this new world - they don't have the experience with the old like Joel or Tommy or Maria, so they are learning as they go. They've only experienced THIS world. I really enjoy listening to their conversations about what the world is like to them, trade stories about their wildly different experiences, and point out things they find odd about the old world. For example:
Ellie grew up in a QZ, but Dina did not. They trade stories about what it was like - particularly, the horrors of living in a QZ.
Ellie and Dina comment on Joel's love for coffee, saying they didn't "get it" as it tasted awful.
Ellie and Dina discuss the first time they killed a "non-infected" and the circumstances that caused it; it's clearly something very emotionally important to them, especially as they were young. It's also likely that this is the reality for all kids growing up after the outbreak. They don't get the privilege of knowing a life where they don't have to kill others to survive.
When Jesse and Ellie stumble upon a bookstore with a kid's section, Jesse can't believe they decorated the kids area with mushrooms. Ellie says that they must have had a different meaning to people before the outbreak, and in her journal, she notes that people used to think that mushrooms were cute.
Lev points out that a kid's bedroom is painted to look like nature but that it isn't realistic, and Abby tells him that it's more a "dream-like version" meant to be cute and commonly painted by parents for their kids. She tells Lev that her own father painted her a jungle.
The uncertainty of knowing whether or not Ellie knew that Joel had lied. I had always hated that Joel chose to lie to Ellie, but I had always suspected that Ellie must have some idea. I liked the gradual revelation that she did know, that Joel had finally fessed up. There were moments when someone would ask her if she had any idea why that group would kill Joel, and I'd be saying, "Because Fireflies" but then I would have to think "Ohhh, but Ellie doesn't know that!" Because you couldn't be sure that she did until the flashback reveals.
I felt like the strained relationship between Ellie and Joel resulting from the lie makes perfect sense; Ellie placed all value of her life on being the cure, and it must have been devastating for her to hear that she could have lived up to that perceived value if it weren't for his actions. Shitty actions of the Firelfies and the unrealism of a mass cure aside, Ellie must have felt insanely betrayed by the person she trusted most. The growing gap between the two of them and her pushback against his helicoptering makes absolute sense, even if it's sad. If Ellie had just blindly accepted it without some kind of anger or betrayal, I'd have been really disappointed.
Despite the lie and knowing what he had done, she still felt a sense of injustice enough to pursue his killer. In her journal, she notes that she had suspected Fireflies all along, so she knows why they came and why they killed him.
At first, I really hated playing as Abby. I knew immediately from Abby and Owen's conversation on the cliffs that she intended to find and kill Joel, and I wasn't surprised because even though I hadn't seen any spoilers prior to playing, I fully expected Joel to die in this game. It just made sense to me that Ellie would be on a violent rampage to avenge Joel, so it wasn't hard to connect. But playing as Abby, ESPECIALLY after Joel's death, was really hard to swallow. I couldn't really get behind playing as Joel's killer, as I adored Joel as a character and I had a lot of hate for her. As I played through her scenes, I started to realize that Abby and Ellie are kind of two sides to the same coin. Both grew up in and are navigating this "survival at all costs" kind of world, both are the sort to go to the extreme to seek revenge, and both are deeply hurting from the loss of their fathers. I was slow to really appreciate seeing Abby's perspective, but in the end, I got to see qualities of Abby that I liked, even if I didn't care for her overall. It reminded me that people aren't all good or all bad - they're more of a mixed bag.
Ellie is a child in the first game, and so it's not really surprising that she doesn't really make a lot of life-altering decisions for herself. She goes with Joel and Tess because Marlene says so, and she goes with Joel because what other choice does she have? And in the end, neither Joel or the Fireflies give her a choice in her situation - she's just dragged along to whatever they think is best for her. The sequel is different - Ellie is an adult who lives on her own and makes her own decisions. She pushes back when she feels Joel meddling, and it makes sense considering how he took control of her situation before. So, Ellie's actions have a lot more weight, and she's actually responsible for them. What I love is that Ellie is unquestionably herself - even when I, the player, felt like she was doing something wrong, it was her choice to make. It makes her character all the more human that she's not some righteous saint getting revenge for Joel's death. She makes mistakes and does things that are morally questionable. It makes her like everyone else - someone who has both good and bad.
Lev. All things Lev.
Through Ellie's perspective alone, you don't get much insight about the conflict between the Wolves and the Seraphites in Seattle. Abby's perspective offers more, and it makes sense. Ellie is a visitor and unfamiliar with the territory, but it seems Abby has been a part of the Wolves for a while. It's clear that the tension has grown increasingly more violent recently, and you get to see all of that erupt with Isaac ordering an attack to wipe out the Seraphites. What's interesting to witness is that as you progress through Abby's story, you get to see the flaws of both groups and the atrocities committed by both. The real tragedy is that neither of the groups can set aside their differences to say that it's okay to live differently - instead, they constantly fight and kill each other. The Seraphites are convinced that the Wolves are sinful and need to be put down. The Wolves say the Seraphites are freaks and need to be culled. Neither side is willing to try another truce - instead, they subscribe to the "survive at all costs" idea, and the cost is the other side - who they clearly don't see as human. This is especially clear when you see how quick they are to turn on each other for "stepping out of line" like when Lev shaves his head, Danny attacks Owen for not being able to kill an old man, and Isaac is willing to kill Abby for trying to stop the Wolves from killing Lev.
Once Lev and Abby start running together, Lev constantly corrects Abby's use of "Scars" - the name that the Wolves call the Seraphites. This seems very important to Lev, and once you run into Seraphites with him, you understand his insistence as they continuously deadname him. Lev didn't give up his beliefs when be fled the Seraphites, and it's important to him that Abby not disrespect him in that way. Even more telling is that while Abby continues to use Scars for a bit, she eventually becomes more respectful and uses Seraphites instead - something that his own tribe couldn't do for him.
Holy fuck, I am in love with the aquarium. When playing as Ellie, the place had a super creepy vibe, so I wasn't feeling it. But I was genuinely excited every time I got to visit it as Abby because I LOVE that place. Except for the last time. That sucked.
Not only could you pet dogs, but you could play fetch with them, too. That's fucking awesome.
I went into the game expecting an established relationship with Ellie and Dina, but I'm really glad I got to witness it blossom. I actually really loved how playful they were with each other, but also how comforting they could be for each other. All the little looks and touches filled my little bi soul with all sorts of warmth and happiness.
Ellie's inability to sleep, her flashbacks, and the note she makes in her journal about finally having a day that she forgets about Seattle all point to the traumatic damage that Joel's death and her revenge quest did to her. When Tommy confronts her about pursuing Abby again, Ellie seems to completely shut down at the idea, and Dina has to take control of the situation. I like the fact that they show the cost of Tommy and Ellie’s vigilante justice, like Ellie’s PTSD, Dina having to take care of Ellie on top of taking care of JJ, the failure of Maria and Tommy’s marriage, or Jesse’s parents having to live with the loss of Jesse. Similarly, Abby sees the same kind of consequences to her pursuit of revenge: she sees the loss of her Firefly friends -- something she clearly hadn’t expected to happen.
For the most part, I didn’t care much about Abby’s friends. I got pretty into Owen’s story, until he was perfectly okay with leaving Mel and his unborn child and running off into the sunset with Abby. I’m not sure how I felt about Mel in the end, and I hated Nora and Manny. However, I really did like to see their perspectives, and I especially liked seeing how much some of them struggled with Abby’s vengeance and torture of Joel. I felt like it gave me a bigger picture of the consequences of Joel’s actions at the end of the first game (and we all had to know there would be SOMETHING).
All of the cutscenes showing Ellie and Joel’s relationship over the years were an absolute delight (even the not so nice ones) because I fully expected to be able to have more Joel and Ellie interaction before his death. I’m sad we didn’t get that, but happy that I could still explore their dynamic through flashbacks. Don’t even get me started on the birthday flashback because I have so much love for that entire scene and will probably replay it more than any other part of the game.
The attention to detail in the environment was so stunning. In one the of the apartments in Seattle during Abby’s playthrough, I saw a tabletop RPG set-up and immediately screenshotted it and sent it to my gamer friend group. All of the lore notes you could pick up and read through with stories about FEDRA, Seraphites, or Wolves really hammered home the idea that each group was at fault for their predicament and contributed to the overall tension and bloodshed. I love the theme that no one is blameless, because in the post-apocalyptic setting, you really wouldn’t expect anyone to be completely innocent. Even going to view the models in extras, you can zoom in and see the level of detail they added -- like JJ actually has blemishes on his face in the one where Dina is holding him. I fucking love it, man.
What I Hated:
When you play through Abby’s story and finally get to the confrontation, the player actually has to continue to play as Abby and attack Ellie. This seemed like a particularly cruel set-up, given that most of the player base is playing this game because they loved Ellie and wanted to continue playing her story. I’ve seen comparisons of the encounter to that of Ellie and David in the first game, but I don’t feel like it’s the right comparison. The mechanics were the same, yes, but the situation is completely different. Yes, in Abby’s story, Ellie is the villain. Ellie murdered her friends. But in the case with Ellie and David, Ellie was a prisoner who then had to fight to get free of him -- Abby is not a prisoner and sought out Ellie on her own.
I understood the chronology of the story, and I enjoyed having the “so she DID know” moment after the game reveals that Ellie knew that Joel had lied before she went to Seattle, but I think that the way the game switched between Ellie and Abby felt very weird. I didn’t exactly rush through Abby’s scenes, but the cliffhanger between Abby pointing a gun at Ellie and then switching to Abby’s story years before felt super jarring, and it made me more resistant to trying to understand Abby at first. I think the switch between perspectives could have been set up differently for a more satisfying playthrough.
I swear to you, I hated the rat king with every fiber of my being. I was already so creeped out by exploring ground zero -- the sheer amount of anxiety I had as I was searching for those damn supplies was intense, and then having to constantly run from the rat king or be killed felt like complete insanity -- and I played on the easiest setting! I wish they had some sort of way to opt out of those things for those interested in seeing the story play out. I know a lot of people who struggle with the combat mechanics but who want to see Ellie’s story.
In fact, slogging through all the infected in general felt really tedious.
Yara’s death felt like it did absolutely nothing for the plot and only served to further the pain of Abby and Lev. We had already seen how vicious both the Seraphites and the Wolves could be -- the point didn’t need to be driven home by such a senseless death. Even though I also hated Mel’s death, I could see how it played into the confrontation with Abby and Ellie -- why should Abby care about Dina’s pregnancy when Ellie hadn’t extended the same mercy to Mel? Abby couldn’t have known that Ellie didn’t know. But Yara’s death served no good purpose, and I’m still pissed about it. Also, why the fuck would you kill her after the HELL the players go through to get the supplies to save her and actually have Mel be able to save her only to kill her off shortly after? It makes zero sense.
I also really hated Jesse’s death. He seemed like such a good person and his death was so unnecessary -- especially since Tommy got to live. His family and JJ and hell, Ellie and Dina, even, didn’t deserve to lose him, especially as he hadn’t even done anything to Abby. Ugh.
When Tommy pulled out that map and started talking about having a lead, I felt every bit of Dina’s outrage at the situation. Their need for vengeance had already cost everyone so damn much, and it seemed absolutely bonkers that Tommy wanted to go after her again -- especially when he had seemed perfectly okay at the theater to pack up and go home with Abby still alive. He went from “Are you good with that?” about leaving Abby alive to “You made me a promise” to Ellie when Ellie says she won’t. Ellie had Dina, a baby, and some serious PTSD -- she had no business being set back on that path, but Tommy didn’t seem bothered by any of that.
Was it not enough to make Ellie lose her family, but make her lose her fingers, too? I appreciated the game’s constant insistence on the consequences of your actions in this survive at all costs kind of world, but it seemed like a lot for Ellie to wind up losing her fingers in the end. Blah.
What I Have Mixed Feelings About:
I was not as upset about the ending as most people seem to be. I think it says a lot that Ellie went all that way to Santa Barbara and in the end, spared Abby’s life -- in the same way that Abby initially refused to fight Ellie. It felt like they were both fighting someone else’s fight and were finally tired enough to let it die. It did feel pretty frustrating that she went all the way out there, nearly died, and lost two of her fingers to kill Abby, only to not end up doing it and thus negating the whole damn trip, but I also feel like Ellie needed the sort of closure that trip brought. In the end, it was her decision to let Abby live -- a choice that had not been given to her years prior, when Joel took her from that hospital. I like to think that she finally understood Joel’s decision.
When Dina refused to support Ellie going back after Abby, I wasn’t surprised, and I didn’t really blame her. I was even pissed that Ellie chose to go after what had happened last time, and I couldn’t really understand why she’d be so willing to leave her family behind when this had already played out so poorly for her before. I also wasn’t surprised when Ellie returned to find an empty house -- I’d imagine that taking care of a farm and a baby at the same time would likely be too much for Dina, and I just assume she moved back to Jackson, where she’d have help. Either way, I’d love to know if Dina was fully done with Ellie for good, or if she’d accept her back if Ellie went to find her. I know that the loss of their relationship is a direct result of Ellie’s actions and the fact that she prioritized killing Abby over staying with her family, but goddammit, I just want a happy lgbt ending for once.
I was genuinely excited to have a trans character in the game. I cannot express enough how much I adore Lev. In a way, his and Abby’s relationship reminds me a lot of Joel and Ellie’s in the first game. They depend on each other, and they obviously really care about each other. One of the things that super bothered me was the storyline with his mother. We already know that he’s pretty much cast out and hunted for being trans -- so we can see the horror of it. It was rough enough to know that his own mother could turn away from him and condemn him like all the rest, but having her attack him and forcing him to kill her in self-defense felt like a lot. I just can’t imagine how triggering that might feel for trans people playing the game.
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